Reality Check: Taking The Long Way
by sugoichicken
Summary: Sequel to Reality Check: Not What I Had Planned. It's been three years since Jennifer found herself at home and she's trying to live a normal life. But when she's faced with a choice, what price will she have to pay. Some harsh language.
1. Semblance of Normalcy

_**Disclaimer: **_The only parts of this whacked out story idea I own are the original characters and the crazy ass plot. The "Heralds of Valdemar" series and premise are the wonderful brain children of Mercedes Lackey.

**A/N:** Hello again, everybody!! Sugoichicken is back with the first chapter of the promised sequel! I know I told those of you who left a review to the final chapter of my other story that it would probably be next month before I got this up, but I'm guessing from what I've heard you won't kill me for getting this up early. Unfortunately I can't guarantee constant updates since I still have my school work to do (and yes, I am working on it), but I'll be working on this in the little bit of spare time I'll have as a way to keep sane. Last thing I want to say is _please, please, please_ bear with me on the plot for this one. It's gonna be quite a bit different than its sister, but I hope you all still like it as much. And as before, please remember to leave a review at the end so I know if I need to just chuck this out the window.

_**NOTICE:**_ If you haven't read my other story, _Reality Check: Not What I Had Planned_, then this will make absolutely no sense. If you're interested in this one then go back and read the predecessor. Don't say I didn't warn you...

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_Do-over, restart, try again. When something goes wrong in a children's game the chances are pretty good one of those three phases will be heard. They're words of welcome when the matter is inconsequential; it's too bad they don't carry much merit when applied to real life. But every now and again adults do get a second chance at something, be it a relationship, a job offer, or righting a wrong action or word. And those second chances have the ability to change lives for the better or worse. Yet when a second chance demands a choice between your head and your heart, which do you choose? It's not a decision you make lightly._

_Ch. 1: Semblance of Normalcy_

_Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, CRASH!_

_"CAT!"_

"Mew?"

_Ugh, I hate mornings_. "Why do you always have to pounce my alarm clock?" I asked the fluffy black and white ball of two-month old fur as he hopped from my side table to my bed. He nudged my hand, indicating he wanted his ears scratched and I obliged, thus turning Punky into a small motor. He may have been just a kitten, but he made up for his current lack of size when it came to getting into trouble and purring.

My bedroom door opened a crack and the black-haired head of my best friend and roommate, Shannon, was poked inside. "I don't know why you bother to set your alarm if you don't want Seymour knocking it over every time it goes off," she said.

I stopped petting Punky and glared at her. "Will you stop callin' my cat Seymour? You're gonna confuse the poor guy."

"It suits him better than what you named him," Shannon shot back accusingly as she walked over and sat on the mattress. I sat up gingerly, wincing slightly from the lingering pain in my back and picked up my cat.

"You don't look like a Seymour to me," I stated fondly as I looked at his adorable little face. "I think your name suits you just perfectly."

Shannon scoffed and rolled her eyes. "What kind of name is 'Punk-Ass Cat' for a kitten?"

"All the more reason I call him 'Punky'. It's cute, suitable for his age and personality, and when he's all growed up I can start callin' him PAC-man," I stated matter of factly, as if the reasons were obvious. Well, they were to me.

"Well, I still think you look like a Seymour, even if your new mom says that's a name for turtles and rats," Shannon told Punky and rubbed his cheek. He immediately stated purring again.

"So," she said after a few seconds of silence, "did you get it?"

"Yup. Wanna see?" I replied with a grin.

"_Yes!"_ Shannon squealed. She threw my comforter back and all but shoved me into the adjoining bathroom. I carefully lifted my t-shirt and Shannon began to carefully pull back the gauze and tape from my lower torso. "It figures, doesn't it? I have to go out of town for a family reunion and you do this without me. Oh, holy crap!" she exclaimed when the bandage fell away.

I turned so my back was facing the mirror and ginned widely. The prominent scarred-over gashes on my back that I'd received while I was "away" were now accompanied by a large tattoo of a green scaled claw ripping into my flesh, the talons following the pink and white scar paths. I'd had it done a couple days before, but because I'd bled so much I'd been bandaged up and told to keep it covered for twenty-four hours. However, I wanted to wait until Shannon came back to see the finished product.

"Damn, check it out! It hurt like a son of a bitch but it looks amazing!" I said in awe.

"Oh my God, I'm so jealous! This thing is fantastic! It's beautiful and yet is kinda creepy at the same time because it really looks like your back's being torn up by something," Shannon squealed again.

_You think this looks creepy? You should've seen what really tore me up, _I thought before I could stop myself. _No, it didn't happen like that. There's no way any of it could've been real so quit acting like it was._

"I know," I replied aloud brightly. "The tattoo artist who worked on me nearly freaked out when he saw the canvas he had to work with. But as I've said, if I'm gonna have these scars then I might as well dress 'um up."

Shannon's tone immediately sobered as she changed topics slightly. "How have those new therapy sessions been going? Have they helped you remember what caused these?"

"No, so I quit going," I stated curtly and grabbed the petroleum jelly to put on my tattoo to keep my skin from drying out. "I told you before I must have suppressed those memories for a reason and I don't want to remember. It's over and done with." _And if my "memories" are real, which I highly doubt they are, it's more painful to think about who and what I'm missing._

She ripped the jar from my grasp and went to work carefully applying the jelly. "Why? Zach set those appointments up with Dr. Shepard as a favor to me so it's not like we were paying for them. They _could_ help you if you'd only give them a chance," Shannon retorted.

"Look, I appreciate your boy-toy shrink for going outta his way like that for me, I really do. But I don't think it's a big deal. You haven't noticed any personality changes in me like the first shrink I saw said we might and I haven't woken up screaming in deathly fear, so I'd rather just no deal with it," I stated simply. "I'm not broken or showing signs of cracking so don't try and fix me."

"You may not wake up screaming, but there have been some nights I can hear you talking or laughing in you sleep," she responded with a distinct edge in her voice as her bright green eyes flashed. "And I've never known you to do that."

My body went rigid at Shannon's words. _I've been talking in my sleep? Oh Holy Shit, not good! _"What've I been saying?"

"Mostly I hear you laughing, but there have been a couple times, when you've fallen asleep on the couch during a movie, when I've heard you talk about," she paused for a moment to think, "setting up a multi-layered shield so you can burn the outermost one. At least I'm pretty sure that's what you've said. And then last night when I got home, you were having a rather lively conversation with two people named Shayna and Tashir. It must've been one hell of a dream because you sounded really happy. Happier than I've heard you sound in a long time," she finished sadly.

_Crap._ The night before I had dreamed about them, and it hadn't been the first time. That particular dream I'd been having a lot. The three of us were sitting at my favorite spot by the stream running through Companion's Field at night, just hanging out, when my Companion and lover started teasing me about my American accent. It would go on for a while before Shay would claim she'd had enough and leave, leaving Tashir and I alone to do _other_ things.

"It was just a dream, what's so wrong with that?" I asked, trying to convince both my friend and self.

"It's one of the few small behavior and personality changes I've seen in you," Shannon corrected me.

I rolled my eyes and turned around as she finished spreading the gel and placed the jar on the sink. "Okay, so now I talk in my sleep. Whoopdi-freakin'-do! It doesn't mean anything. Millions of people talk in their sleep and no one accuses them of having repressed memories. Just forget about it; you're grasping at straws."

Shannon threw her hands up in defeat saying, "Alright, whatever. Excuse me for being worried about my friend." Before she could say anything more, we both heard he cell start ringing and she went to answer it.

I rested my weight against my hands on the sink and looked at my reflection. After deciding I hated my brown and white-banged hair short, I'd re-grown it to just below my shoulders. Blue-green eyes stared out from under the long white bangs hanging in my face, momentarily making me look kinda like a model. My 5'6" frame was still thin, never having regained all the weight I'd lost. I may not have looked any different from when I came home, but I certainly felt different.

I looked down at my hands and gave a shuddering sigh. _I've been havin' that dream too much lately. You'd think that after being home for three years I would've gotten a grip. Why is it I still long for people and things that only exist in my mind?_

A small mew from the floor caught my attention. Punky was sitting behind me wearing the most pathetic face I'd ever seen on a cat. He looked like he was about to burst into tears, which was exactly how I felt. I bent down and picked up his tiny body and he immediately began to purr again.

"Hey you," I whispered as I held him against my chest and scratched his head. "Were you feeling that? If I was 'Projecting', I'm sorry. But we both know I can't do that, or this." I held out my right hand and with no more than a thought, hovering a couple inches above, appeared a softly glowing brown and white bird. Punky turned his head to look, and then shifted his weight in order to try and bat at the conjured illusion with his paw. I laughed. "Then again, maybe I can."

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I turned and looked at the bright neon pink and blue clock above me from my place behind the bar and read it was only 12:20am. _Jesus Tap-dancing Christ, can this night go any slower?_

I'd only been at work for a little over three hours, but it felt like ten had passed and I wanted to leave. Normally the music blaring from the monstrous speakers on either side of the club dance floor didn't bother me; neither did the patrons trying their damnedest to have their drink orders heard over them. But since my conversation with Shannon that morning I'd been in a semi-bad mood. Plus my back was _really_ starting to hurt and contribute to the headache that was manifesting in my left temple.

I finished mixing a guy's White Russian and took a moment to observe the crowd. For a Thursday night we were packed. Wall-to-wall people were attempting to dance in the crowded club, which was actually a rather large auditorium sized space. Pulsating colored spot lights served to illuminate the dancing people and move to the music, giving the dance floor an almost seizure-inducing look. Tables to sit and drink were towards the back, the bar where I was sat along the side of the room, which was partially divided by a long catwalk which the other bar girls and I would use to dance and sing.

Closing my eyes, I leaned back against the counter behind the bar. I slowly released a large breath in effort to ease my impending headache but to no avail. The last thing I wanted to do was take my migraine medication but could tell by the reverberating pounding at my temple I'd have to. I slipped into the back hallway and quickly made my way to the back room which served as a dual storage and changing room.

It was about the size of a rather large bedroom, with boxes and shelves of liquor and beer along one side and cubbies for us girls to keep our stuff lining the other. A long wooden bench stood in the middle of the room and directly above was a dim florescent light. I found my bag and began to rummage through it for my pills while casting a longing glance at my jeans and sweatshirt. _Damn this hooker get-up I have to wear. If I didn't make more in a year here shaking my ass around in this miniskirt, halter top, and heels then I would in almost any other service job in Chicago I'd be long gone! Ugh, and I hate this crappy lighting! I can't see a damn thing in my bag._

Without thinking, I cast a small Magelight, bathing my cubbie in a clear, bright blue light and allowing me to see what I was looking for. I soon found the bottle of pills and extracted one, swallowing it dry. I pinched the bridge of my nose to try and dull the pain, then noticed the light.

"_Shit!!" _I swore heatedly and banished the light. A quick glance over my shoulder and a quick mental probe of the hallway showed nobody was around who could have seen the hovering ball. I sighed with relief and sat heavily on the bench. _I'm getting sloppy. That's the fourth time I've done that in two weeks. I have _got_ to pull it together and watch what I'm doing._

"Jennifer, you back here, baby girl?" my co-worker and friend Kari called out from the hall.

"Yeah, I'm here!" I responded with a shudder at the close call.

The tall raven-haired woman poked her head around the door frame and peered through the dim lighting at me. "You okay, honey?"

"Yeah, just a bit of a headache," I replied softly.

"Another migraine?" Kari asked as she took a couple steps forward, her black pumps clicking dully on the cement floor. I nodded. She bit her bottom lip and continued. "David wants us up on stage in a few. Do ya feel up to it or should I tell him you're sittin' it out?"

I breathed out slowly and silently assessed my head. "No, I think I'm okay. I just need a few minutes to get my head to stop pounding."

"Alright, David said we've got about fifteen." She eyed me closer with concerned and kind brown eyes that matched her dark skin. "You sure you're okay? You're lookin' a little pale, even for a white girl?"

"I'll be fine," I reassured her. Kari nodded and left, leaving me to compose myself. After the allotted fifteen minutes passed, I re-entered the club just as the musical cue for us girls to get up and perform blasted across the sound system and the crowd cheered in anticipation. I hitched what I hoped was a convincing smile across my face and hurried up the stairs to the catwalk when the first few notes of the Pink song "Centerfold" started to play. I heaved an internal sigh of relief that it was my song to perform, because for roughly four minutes I could turn loose and vent with the music. I turned on the small earpiece microphone I was wearing and began to sing along with the music.

_I'm on the rebound, I get it when I want to  
I'm on the way down, I'm getting fixed without you  
You gave me a band aid, I put it on my heartbreak  
And all you got is pictures in your hand_

_Don't you wish you could hold the angel in the centerfold?  
The fantasy you couldn't control  
I walked away from you  
Don't you wish you could hold the pretty little paper doll?  
The one you couldn't quite control  
I walked away from you_

_Flip to me I'm the centerfold  
I'm gonna charm you all night  
Stick to me I'm the centerfold  
We're gonna go on, hold tight_

_I'm gonna hate you 'til I forget you  
So here's a keep sake; I left it in the bathroom  
Just a little something, something to remind you  
I'm sure you'll never get this close again_

_Don't you wish you could hold the angel in the centerfold?  
The fantasy you couldn't control  
I walked away from you  
Don't you wish you could hold the pretty little paper doll?  
The one you couldn't quite control  
I walked away from you_

_Flip to me I'm the centerfold  
I'm gonna charm you all night  
Stick to me I'm the centerfold  
We're gonna go on, hold tight_

_Now its him when it coulda been you  
Tell me why it's him when it shoulda been you?  
It's crazy how this makes you wanna change  
Here's an image you won't forget  
All your life I'll tease, I'll torment  
I'll be gone as soon as you turn the page_

_Don't you wish you could hold the angel in the centerfold  
The fantasy you couldn't control  
I walked away from you  
Don't you wish you could hold the pretty little paper doll  
The one you couldn't quite control  
I walked away from you_

_Flip to me I'm the centerfold  
I'm gonna charm you all night  
Stick to me I'm the centerfold  
We're gonna go on, hold tight_

As my song ended, the start of another one was seamlessly intertwined with the dying notes as it was another girl, Ashley's, turn to sing and the rest of us sang backup. She was only a few bars in when I felt the unmistakable sensation of somebody watching me. Yes, I was on a stage wearing an impossibly short skirt and dancing in a club full of drunk and horny men and women, but the feeling I had was different. It wasn't a gaze that said, "Oh hey, she's hot," but said, "She's the one."

For the next twenty minutes I was on stage, I could feel the set of eyes watching my every move and breath, reading me, puzzling me out, and assessing me. I tried to find where the person watching me was by sight but came up cold, and refused to Reach out with my mind because I was afraid of what I might find.

When we finally descended from the stage I was shaking like a leaf. There's always a danger in working in a club like that, where there's one night when one customer goes to far and the bouncers have to step in. So far I'd been lucky that I'd never had one of those nights and I sure as hell didn't want my record broken. I was freaked.

Then I Felt it, something I hadn't Felt in three years. A simple, light, friendly Mindtouch which felt oddly familiar. My head snapped up in surprise as I instantly strengthened the few mental shields I allowed myself anymore, effectively shutting off the attempt at contact. "Who was that?" I whispered to the air.

I climbed back up on the catwalk and again surveyed the room, lowering my shields ever so slightly. A few people gyrating below me looked up, thinking I was going to dance again but I ignored them as my eyes scanned the scene looking for anything out of the ordinary. I didn't see anything and shook my head as I got down, silently chiding myself for thinking I Felt a Mindtouch_. You dumbass. First you give in momentarily to believing you can cast a Magelight and now you think someone's trying to Mindspeak with you. You don't have any special powers or abilities no matter what your memories say. You're not a former Herald-Mage, you did not go to Valdemar, and you're nothing special._

But again, just as I got down I Felt a tentative Mindtouch brush against my shields. I spun around and nearly collided with Shannon who was holding two empty glasses in her hands.

"Jenn, watch it!" she cried.

"Sorry!" I said and climbed back up. Again, I looked over the crowd and saw nothing or nobody out of place. Time for a different approach.

_:Okay, I bite. Who are you?:_ I couldn't believe I was trying to Mindspeak when I knew I couldn't but waited for a response anyway. When nothing came after a few moments I tried again.

_:Look jackass, I know you can hear me so who the hell are you?: _That time I got a response.

_:Jennifer, do you really not remember me?: _the familiar voice asked.

_:Who and where the hell are you?!: _I shouted mentally.

_:To your left, sitting at the larger back table.:_

I turned and looked carefully over the tables. They were all occupied by various groups of people engaged in joyful conversations, when the people at one of the larger back tables caught my eye. Three men sat there, and it was the younger of the men who raised his hand in greeting. I wasn't sure if it was a trick of the light, but he looked like he would be a little shorter than me when he stood, round and solid build, and flaming red hair. I felt my eyes widen and jaw drop as I took in his appearance. _No, no it can't be. There's no way in hell…_

_:This isn't exactly the place I expected to find you, but then again you've always been full of surprises.:_ the voice said with a dry chuckle.

I slammed my shields up again, hurried off the stage and all but ran back into the changing room. I dove into my bag and fished out another bottle of pills and water bottle, this time taking two for anxiety. I collapsed onto the bench and cradled my head in my hands as I made sure my shields were as tight and solid as I could make them so nothing could get through.

I heard another set of footsteps hurrying down the hall and into the room, then felt another presence fall next to me and wrap me in a hug.

"Jenn, what happened? You look like you've seen a ghost?" Shannon asked, her voice nearly frantic.

I waited until I thought my voice wouldn't waver to answer, and tried to tell her what happened without needing to explain too much. "I felt like someone was watching me and got up to look, but then saw Jacob and ran back here." Jacob had been my latest boyfriend and the relationship hadn't ended too well a few days before. I figured he would make a good excuse.

"Is that all? Kari said you had to take your migraine pills and that's the first time you've touched them in almost six months," she said calmly.

"Yeah. Look, I'm gonna go home. My head's starting to kill me and if Jacob is here then I don't want to deal with him too. Can you let David know?" I asked. Not only was the money really great, but another perk at working there was the owner and manager, David, was really flexible if you needed to leave suddenly. Even more so with me for some reason.

"Sure, I'll take care of it. You go home and get some rest, okay? I'll call in a couple hours and make sure you're alright," Shannon said as she helped me to my feet and handed me my street clothes.

Twenty minutes later I was waiting at the train station platform and wondering if who I'd thought I'd seen in the back of the club was real, or just a figment of my imagination. I'd had the dream about Shayna and Tashir the most, but there were plenty of others involving my other friends. That was, if the dreams and my memories could be trusted. But the thing that scared the shit out of me the most that night, was I was pretty damn sure I'd just seen Trine.


	2. Who Wants to Talk to Me About What?

_**Disclaimer:**_ Ya know, after 22 chapters it's becoming kinda hard to think of witty and amusing ways to say the "Heralds of Valdemar" series doesn't belong to me. So..., yeah, it doesn't. I wish like hell it did, but woe to me as it does not. Now all the OC characters, that's another story. Their mine.

**A/N:** Hello again everyone and welcome to the next installment! Thank you all so much for the reviews, though as we get farther into this they may begin to tapper off because of the plot. As I've said in the replies I've sent to my reviewers and last chapter this story line is will be quite a bit different and you get a small taste of that here. I'm gonna try and make things more political and unfortunately the only way I can think to do this is by almost going a little sci-fi on ya. If you don't understand what I mean now then hopefully you will in later chapters. Okay, I'll shut up now. Forward!!!!

_Ch. 2: Who Wants to Talk to Me About What?_

I all but rushed into our apartment and nearly slammed the door in my hurry to run away from my rather unsettling experience. The more I tried to forget about it and brush it off as a trick of the light, the worse and more disgusting I felt. Was I finally loosing the fragile grasp I'd held on reality for so long? Did I really just see one of the very people I'd been wishing with my whole being I could see and talk to again? Was it nothing more than my imagination and the light playing tricks on me? Was it real?

I kicked off my shoes at the door and hurried into the bathroom to take a shower, leaving a trail of clothing as I went. I climbed in and stood there under the steaming hot spray for I don't know how long. My headache had grown into a full blown migraine and I was lucky mine didn't make me dizzy or nauseous. I simply stood there and willed my anxiety and fears to flow down the drain with the rest of the water until I felt a numb sense of calm.

Finally I got out, changed for bed and collapsed onto my mattress, feeling exhausted and spent. _This can't be happening, _I thought. _There's no way this can be happening again. Just calm down and think, will ya? Okay, look at it logically. Sometimes people hear things in a loud room that sounds like someone is talking to them when nobody is. Your head was probably just trying to make sense of a bunch of overheard conversations. As for the guy, it could've been anyone and they were trying to get the attention of someone else. They weren't necessarily hailing you. You've had a long day; you're tired, and then freaked out over nothing. It's okay._

But then my other internal monologue had to chime in and play Devil's Advocate. _But, what if it _was_ him? Just what if? Nobody has ever been able to explain where you went and how you got the scars on your back, so it's possible you _were_ taken to Valdemar by Emperor Melles and attacked on your internship by the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog's mutant cousin. Why else do you still use the Gifts you've been trying to convince yourself you don't have? But that still doesn't answer the 'why' and 'how'. Why was I brought back and how? Why is Trine here and how? What does this mean and can I do this all over again when I barely survived the first time?_

From the foot of my bed came a soft and insistent mewing that told me Punky wanted up. I sat up wearily and plucked him from the floor, then pulled back my blankets and crawled into bed. There were surprisingly few sounds from the street coming in through my window as the warm summer breeze fluttered the light curtains softly. I laid there petting my purring cat as rampant thought after rampant thought coursed through my mind. Punky then looked up at me inquisitively and gave another small "Mew", as if asking what was wrong. I sighed and looked into his large yellow eyes.

"I don't know cat, what do you think? Have I finally lost it? After nine years of wondering whether or not I've jumped off the deep end, have I finally snapped? But if not, then what the hell does this mean?"

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Over the next couple days I tried my best to forget about the whole thing. I went about my daily routine of working a few hours a day at the homeless shelter, attending my three day a week Spanish class, then going to work at the club. And when the shelter director informed me that weekend their budget was being increased and offered me a part-time position, I was ecstatic. I'd been saving money for a while with plans to go back to school to get a degree in social work, so the job offer only served to further cement my plans and push the possible Trine-sighting out of my mind.

However, the thought didn't stay gone for long.

Monday mornings were the most convenient time for me to do the running around I needed to do, along with cleaning my share of the apartment and doing the grocery detail for the next two weeks. I'd been in a really good mood since being offered the job at the shelter and since Shannon had the day off from her second job at a nearby bookstore, I decided to make something special for lunch. So imagine my surprise when I met her just outside our building looking a little frantic.

"Shan, what happened?" I asked in alarm as many different crisis scenarios played out in my head. _She got mugged, someone broke into the apartment, someone upstairs died, someone was murdered, a bomb threat was called in and the police aren't here yet._

She yelped and turned like someone had just pinched her, then visibly relaxed when she saw it was me. "There you are! I expected to find you at home and when you weren't there I didn't know what to tell them."

"I always try and do the shopping on Monday mornings before class, you know that," I said as I looked at her curiously. "What did you mean when you said you didn't know what to tell them?"

Shannon took two of the rather full bags from me and bit her lip, giving me a look of apprehension. "Jennifer, who's Trine Whitecroft?"

_What the fuck? _The _last_ thing I expected to hear from Shannon at that moment was Trine's name. I hoped the look of confusion I tried to return didn't betray the feeling of icy fear that had just washed over me. "Trine Whitecroft?" I asked slowly, trying to make the familiar name sound foreign. "Never heard of them."

"It's a guy and you're positive?" she inquired as we climbed the brightly lit stairwell.

"Yeah. I think I'd remember a weird sounding name like that." _Remember him, yes. Willingly admit to knowing him and explain why, _hell no_. Not without concrete proof._

"Then why is he in our apartment right now with two CIA agents, claiming to be a close friend of yours?"

_That_ stopped me dead in my tracks. I nearly dropped the three sacks I was carrying in shock as I turned to gape at her. _"WHAT?!_ Shannon, did you just say there's a man I've never heard of, claiming to know me, in our apartment with two Federal Agents?!" Shannon nodded.

We stood in silence while I continued to stare at her. "You've got to be kidding me."

"I'm not. And they want to talk to you pretty badly. Something about a new lead in your disappearance case."

I couldn't move. I was in so much shock my feet had frozen to the floor as my mind assimilated the information. He couldn't be up there, it was impossible. Unless I was about to become privy to classified government information concerning inter-dimensional travel or some other crappy B-movie explanation, there was no possible way Shannon could be telling the truth. _But how do you explain the fact she knew Trine's name? And then what about Thursday night?,_ my small inner voice asked.

The whole premise was insane. If my memories were to be trusted, the spell that Melles and his boy Rassil had used to bring me to Valdemar had been a one-way trip. It only went _to_ Velgarth _from _Earth. Plus the document had been destroyed soon after I was brought there so there was little chance of a modification. It was _magic_, and technology couldn't replicate magic. Logically speaking, Trine being in our apartment was impossible.

"Come on," Shannon said softly, breaking my thought train. "We probably shouldn't keep them waiting."

We climbed four more flights of stairs to the fifth floor and walked to the end of the corridor in silence, where our apartment was the last one on the right. Shannon opened the door and held it open for me as we entered the joint kitchen and living room area. Sure enough, there were two men dressed in suits waiting for us, and a third red-haired man was standing on the balcony with his back to us, looking out at the view of the neighboring buildings. I silently hoped he wouldn't turn around.

"Jennifer Keller?" one of the men asked calmly as he and the other man appraised me. I nodded as Shannon took the bags from me and began to put things away. "My name's Agent Glazer, and this is Agent Hill," the tall gray haired man introduced himself and motioned to his slightly younger looking companion. They both showed me matching badges identifying themselves as CIA agents. "If you don't mind, we'd like to ask you a few questions about you disappearance nine years ago."

I gulped and nodded, then made my way over to the chair next to Agent Hill and sat down. It was a good thing I did because my knees had just about been ready to give way.

For the next half hour, the agents asked me a bunch of general questions along the line of how I'd been faring, what I'd been doing as of late, and if I truly remembered nothing of the six years I'd been missing. I answered as truthfully as I dared and tried to feign ignorance with a couple questions that sounded a little loaded. Plus they seemed rather interested in my desire to be a social worker.

When they were satisfied with my answers, Hill and Glazer changed their tactics on me. They asked Shannon to take a seat and Glazer went over to the sliding glass window leading to the balcony and brought in the man I'd tried to forget was out there.

_Oh, my, God. _I went cold and ridged in my seat as my jaw dropped and eyes widened. He looked really odd, wearing jeans and a blue button-down shirt, but there was no mistaking the familiar bright blue eyes surrounded by laugh lines and the flaming red hair. He smiled warmly at me and I could tell it was a test of his self-control to not wrap me up in a friendly hug.

"Heyla, Jenn," Trine greeted me with a small chuckle. "I see you found your clothes from the other night."

"Ah hell no!" I jumped up and yelled. "This is impossible! There's no _fucking way this is possible!_" I cradled my head in my hands and began to pace around the room. That seemed to be the cue for everyone to start talking at once.

"Miss Keller, please sit down and we'll explain…"

"Jennifer, what are you talking about? What's going on?"

"I rather figured you'd react this way."

I spun around again at Trine's words and ripped into him. "Oh bullshit! What the hell do you know? You're not supposed to be here! You're nothing more than a character in a book! You're not real!"

The agents and Shannon shut up and Shannon looked like she'd been slapped. Trine, however, nodded, looking mildly amused. "You're still going on about that? I'm not surprised. Well, if I'm not real then how can these men and your friend see me and talk to me?"

"Because I've finally snapped and gone crazy, that's how! I only think you're here because I want you to be! This is nothing more than a hallucination! I'm probably locked up in a padded room somewhere, drooling and shouting at nothing!" I screamed at him.

Trine's face went from slightly amused to stern in a millisecond. He hurried across the room to me and grabbed both my wrists in a vice-like grip before I had a chance to move away.

I looked away instead. "Jennifer, no you're not. You're not dreaming, you're not crazy, and you're not hallucinating," he said forcefully. "Look at me, Jennifer, and trust me. Please."

I shut my eyes and shook my head, refusing to believe. The minute he touched me, the wound that my memories of Valdemar had caused had been ripped open and was bleeding afresh. And it _hurt._ It hurt to know that according to my senses one of my friends who knew _everything_ was there, but I didn't dare let myself give into the aching in my heart. And it hurt to know that my mind was partly saying this wasn't real, and the other half jumping up and down screaming "I fuckin' told ya so!!"

"Jenn, look at me, please. Open your eyes and look at me. You need to trust your senses and believe I'm really here." Trine continued to plead with me but I wouldn't listen. I was able to put up a weak mental shield in case he tried to Mindtouch me again but he stopped me with one of his own before I could strengthen it. "Oh no you don't! You're not shutting me out that way! Don't you dare put up shields to keep me out or I'll rip them down. Jennifer _look at me!"_ With his last shout he broke through the weak shield I'd put up and Mindspoke to me again.

_:If you won't listen to my verbal words then maybe you'll believe me this way. You know we can't lie mind to mind. Jennifer, I'm here. I'm really here. I know you think you've gone crazy but I can assure you you're not. This is real, _I _am real, and if you remember anything at all it's all real too. My friend, please open your eyes and believe me.:_

I slowly opened my eyes and found him looking right at me. His face softened into a relieved smile and relaxed his grip on my wrists. "I'm really here. You're not making me up."

Suddenly the desire to believe overtook the desire to disbelieve and I felt tears start to well up. I reached forward with a shaking hand and touched his face, needing to feel warm skin as a way to further convince my mind and senses.

"Trine,…I'm scared. I…I can't Feel her anymore. I can't even Feel Shay anymore," I finally croaked out.

He nodded and pulled me into a tight hug, and I found myself melting into the much needed embrace. "I know, I know. I'm here to help you and to see that you get better. You're not crazy. It's going to be alright now, I promise you." My knees finally gave out and I fell to the floor in a crumpled, sobbing heap. We sat like that until I cried myself out and to sleep.

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When I woke up, it was early afternoon still and I was in my bed. I felt horrible, and for a moment thought I'd overslept that morning and had just had one hell of a crazy dream. But then I heard two voices carrying from the living room, Shannon and a deeper male's voice that I recognized from my memories as Trine. _Is it possible? Did that really happen?,_ I thought as the encounter of earlier came flooding back. Instead of getting up and finding out, I laid there and listened to the conversation.

"But why didn't she say anything to me? We've never had any secrets so why would she keep this from me?" Shannon asked dejectedly, her voice slightly muffled as it came through the door.

"If I had to guess, it was because it was too painful for her," I heard Trine explain. "For the six years I knew her, Jenn's biggest fear was that she'd mentally snapped and I'm quite sure she believed she had. You heard what she said, about being only a character in a book. She never really explained about the books your people have about Valdemar, but as much as she acted like and said she was alright with being there, I highly doubt she was. It was more a way to protect herself _from herself _and not have others think she was crazy."

There was a pause before Shannon spoke again. "So the things she's been saying in her sleep, this Shayna and Tashir and Kris, they're all real people? Jennifer has these "Heraldic Gifts" you're talking about? She can do magic?!"

"And she's damn good at it too. She's still considered the top Mage Valdemar has seen since Vanyel Ashkevron, and he lived roughly six centuries ago." I then Felt a small Mindtouch and a feeling of happiness before Trine continued. "But why don't we ask her?" Footsteps came down the short hall to my room, followed by a knock on the door and it opened. "Heyla, you. Feel up to a conversation?" Trine asked.

I sat up slowly. "I guess so. I've got a lot of explaining to do, don't I?"

"Would you like us to come in here or do you want to come out to us?" he asked.

"Come on in. I don't feel much like movin'."

Trine motioned to Shannon to come, and as soon as the two of them got comfortable, the questions started. Trine had already filled her in on all the big stuff, like the fact I was a Herald-Mage and everyone thought I'd died, but it was the smaller questions she needed to ask.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Shannon asked when I'd finished explaining my version of events, not bothering to mask the pain in her voice. She was sitting cross-legged next to me on the bed and Trine had pulled over a chair from the corner. Punky was curled up next to me, napping.

I hung my head in shame. "What was I supposed to say? If I told you any of it you would have gone straight to a shrink and I'd be on even more medications, or worse, locked up 'for my own safety'. It's like Trine said earlier. I've spent the last nine years wondering whether or not I'd gone crazy and the last thing I needed was for someone here to validate that. It was easier to say I didn't remember anything and just try and get on with life."

"Okay, that I get. But Trine said you can do magic? That that's the reason you're hair is white," Shannon said hurriedly.

I nodded, deciding to give her proof. I held out my hand and conjured a small Magelight. Our faces were suddenly cast in a light blue hue, causing Shannon to gasp and start. "It's a simple Magelight, one of the easiest things I can do."

Shannon starred at the glowing ball in awe, unable to believe her eyes. "How are you doing that?"

I smiled and shook my head. "It's not really complicated to explain but in a nut shell, I just think about it and it's there. I could do more, but I've been out of practice for so long that I don't dare try. I remember how to do almost everything but I won't unless I'm in a workspace with another Mage. I don't know how or if things work the same here as they did…do over there."

"Wow, this is…wow," Shannon muttered to herself and no one could think of anything else to say. I took that chance to ask Trine one of the two big questions I had.

"Trine, the first of many questions. What are you doing here? I'd ask how, but I don't think I'm ready to find out just yet."

Trine's eyes darkened slightly and he sighed heavily. "It's Shayna."

"What, what's wrong? Is she hurt?" I said in near panic. _Oh no, please let Shay be alright. Please, please let her be fine._

"She's not hurt, really," he said taking my hand. "Jenn, we thought you were dead when you disappeared, but she was the only one who swore you were still alive. We tried to get her to Choose again but she refused. Shay was alright for a time, but then she slowly started separating herself from the rest of the Companions and now hardly speaks to anyone. She's been spending all of her time out by the stream you two liked to sit at so often, and then about two weeks ago she stopped eating."

Trine waited a few moments for the facts to sink before he continued. "She's pining herself to death over you and no one can talk any sense into her, not even Rolan. And since we don't know what the Herald-Companion bond will do between the two of you, if it still exists, if she dies there's the very real possibility you could soon follow," he said bracingly.

My heart and stomach lurched as I felt tears start to prick at my eyes again. "She's not eating? Oh no, please no…" and I started to cry again.

"Jennifer, I'm here so I can bring you home. Not just for your sake because the gods know the Mind-Healers here can't do anything for you, but for Shayna's as well." Trine started to say something else but I cut him off.

"When do we leave?" I asked and hastily wiped away my tears. Trine looked a little taken back as Shannon let out a startled yelp.

"What? Leave? Jenn, you can't go just…" Shannon started.

"Why not?" I all but yelled at her. "Shayna is my Companion, my soul-sister, quite literally my other half. I have an obligation to her and if she's sick then I need to be there. Shannon, she could die! And if she goes then I may go to!" I turned my attention back to Trine and asked again.

"When can we leave? I can be ready to go in about an hour."

Clearly not expecting this reaction, he had to grope for words. "Um…, the agents are waiting downstairs. I'd have to ask them. We'd hoped to bring you with us tonight, but thought it would take more convincing."

"I've heard all I need to." As if someone had turned a switch inside me, I felt a surge of calm and purpose that I hadn't felt in three years; a calm and purpose I'd come to associate with being a Herald-Mage. I was ready to return to duty. "Go tell them I'm getting my things packed. I'm going back."


	3. Q & A

_**Disclaimer: **_Only the original characters and the cheap plot beginnings belong to me. If it sounds similar to something written by Mercedes Lackey, that's because it's hers and I'm just too lazy to come up with something completely original and get it published.

**A/N:** Hello everyone! Here's a new and rather quick update for ya'll. The reason this one's up so quick is because I may not be getting Ch. 4 up for a couple weeks so hopefully this will tie you guys over. I must also apologize in advance if the answers to questions seem rather pathetic. This is all I could come up with. But also, if you remember from "Not What I Had Planned", I tried to take some of what I thought were the common cliches and poke fun at them. That's kinda what I'm trying to do here. If it works, sweet, but if not, then you'll just have to deal with it because I said so. :P Anyhoo, I hope this all makes sense and you don't laugh at me too much or stop reading. I like it when people read my story. (shuffles feet in sheepish manner)

_Ch. 3: Q & A_

Trine raised his eyebrows at me and shrugged as if saying 'Well what do you know' and left my room. I leaped out of bed and rushed to my closet to dig out my small suitcase and start packing. While I had a one-track mind about what I needed to do at that moment, Shannon, understandably, didn't share my enthusiasm.

"Jennifer, what the hell do you think you're doing? You can't just up and leave! What about your class, the shelter…," she cried indignantly.

"They don't matter anymore," I cut her off as I threw the suitcase on the bed and started throwing in clothes. "I've got more important things to worry right now. Cat, move," I told Punky as he'd woken up when I threw back my blankets and had curled up inside the case. I scooped him up with one hand and threw in my clothes with the other.

Shannon climbed off the bed and whipped me around to face her. "They don't matter? Jennifer, listen to yourself! You've wanted to go back to school for ages and now you're going to throw that dream away? Do you realize how crazy this sounds?"

"Shannon, you have no idea how crazy this _is_ and this is the exact reason I never told you in the first place," I told her flatly as I put another load of clothes in. "Why I never told anyone _because_ it all sounds so impossibly insane. I knew I wouldn't be believed so why waste my breath?"

"Well, can't you wait a couple days or something? If …Shayna's waited for you this long then can't she wait another day or two?" my friend asked.

I slammed down the top of my suitcase in anger and leveled Shannon with a glare that could peel paint. "No, she, _CAN'T!_ Didn't you hear Trine? Shayna's starving herself to death over me and I can NOT let her die! I don't care if I die but I can't do that to her! I CAN'T loose her a second time!" I placed my hands on my hips and sighed and Shannon fell back onto the bed. "Did Trine explain to you what the Herald-Companion Bond is?" I tried to ask calmly.

"Yeah, but I don't quite understand. He said it's what makes a Herald a Herald and that when one dies, usually so does the other," Shannon said quietly.

_Leave it to Trine to not give the explanation justice. _I nodded. "That's the easiest and quickest way to explain it. But a better way is this. When Shayna Choose me, it was like she filled a gaping hole in my soul that I didn't even know existed. I was so scared and alone when she came to me that I knew, with her, I'd never be alone again. Shay is my partner, my missing half and I can't just wait to get to her. I need to be there last week." I left the room to gather my things from the bathroom while Shannon thought about what I said.

When I came back five minutes later she posed another question I obviously hadn't thought about. "When will you be back? Are you going to stay long?"

I tucked my toiletries into the front pockets of the suitcase while I thought. "I don't know. I honestly don't know." Because my mind was starting to think like a Herald again I told her what I thought based on that reasoning. "If I had to guess, it may be a while. I don't know how sick Shay is and I'm not leaving her until she's well. Hell, I'm not leaving Valdemar unless she comes too. Plus, I don't know anything about how or why the government is involved in this so I have to take the political atmosphere into consideration. For all I know I could be back in a week or never."

Shannon was stunned. "You might never come back?"

"It's a guess, that's all. You know as much as I do right now." I went back to my closet and reached up to the top shelf to retrieve a long and thick box I hardly thought about when Trine re-entered the room.

He took one look at my packed case and me and whistled. "That was quick. Are you ready?"

"Almost." I put the box on the bed and lifted the lid. The smell of slightly musty leather and cloth wafted up, revealing a golden-brown outfit that looked like something you'd see at a Renaissance Faire. I re-opened the suitcase lid and carefully laid my uniform on top.

"You kept that, hmm?" I could hear the smile and approval in Trine's voice.

I just nodded and picked up my half asleep cat. "Do you think it'll be okay if I bring him?" I asked Trine.

He shook his head grimly. "Not right now. From what I understand some people will be coming back over here in a few weeks so maybe they can bring him then. But right now I'm just supposed to bring you."

"Meanie." I placed him back on the bed and started throwing miscellaneous items into another traveling bag. My iPod and traveling speakers, a few books, some pictures and my teddy bear. "Okay, I think that's everything. If I'm missing something then I'll just have to go without."

Shannon had remained silent for a good while and when I looked at her, she appeared to be ready to cry. She looked at me and shook her head. "I don't understand any of this. What am I supposed to tell people about where you went?"

Trine spoke for me. "You're to tell them she's working closely with the…FBI, I think it is, about her disappearance case and had to leave town for a few weeks. If they have any questions they're to call this number," he said and handed her a business card. "You're not to say anything else as this is a highly sensitive government matter now."

Shannon nodded numbly and took the card. "This is happening all so fast."

"Tell me about it," I said as I gave her a goodbye hug. "You should have been there the first time 'round."

"I'm gonna miss you," she whispered in my ear.

"Me too. I need to answer quite a few questions first and then hopefully I'll be back soon. You know my bank account number and there's plenty of money there to cover rent or anything else. Take care of yourself, okay?" I responded, letting her go.

"So long as you do," Shannon said with a slight skeptical overtone. That earned a snort from Trine.

I turned and glared at him. "Shut up. No one asked you."

It was Shannon's turn to laugh. "You gave them trouble in the well-being department too, hmm?"

"Oh, the stories I could tell if we had time…" Trine trailed off. "Jenn, we should be going." With that he grabbed the handle of my suitcase and headed out the door, leaving me to carry my other bag. Shannon closed my door as we left and walked us out of the building. It was a crystal clear afternoon, the kind that seemed to only hold possibilities as we walked to a dark, nondescript car a little ways down the block.

Agent Glazer put my bags in the trunk as I gave Shannon one last hug. I hated leaving her without much of an explanation to everything but then I knew hardly anything myself. When I got into the car next to Trine in the backseat, I found myself starting to shake. I was thrilled to be going back, but scared of the political situation waiting for me.

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Shannon and I lived in one of the many suburbs to the west of Chicago so it really came as no surprise when we started to drive into the city itself. The agents kept the conversation to idle chatter as we drove downtown. Apparently we'd get down to business when we got to wherever we were headed, presumably to the branch office.

An hour or so later we pulled into the underground parking garage to one of the many skyscrapers in downtown Chicago and made our way to an office on one of the upper floors. It looked like a regular office, and I had no idea if it belonged to the CIA or what. The four of us entered a conference room in the back and sat around a medium sized table. It was time to get down to business.

"So, Miss Keller, I suppose you have quite a few questions for us," Glazer said conversationally.

"I've got a question or two." He nodded and I continued. "I'd also like to get one thing straight right now. I realize I'm smack in the middle of a rather complicated tango between the two sides. I may be a civilian over here, but over there I…was one of the ranking Herald-Mages and thus deserve answers. So don't even think about giving me any of the 'that's classified information' crap. Yes, because of my position I have to play the role of Switzerland, but _because _I'm so deeply involved I need to be in the loop. Are we perfectly clear on this?" I asked sternly. There was no way in hell I was gonna let someone screw me out of info just because I didn't have a security clearance.

Hill chuckled and Trine looked confused. "You have to play what?" my friend asked.

"I have to be neutral and can't take sides," I explained hurriedly. I took a deep breath to try and calm my nerves before asking my questions. "Okay, question one. What the hell is going on? How do you people know about Valdemar and how is Trine here?"

Hill answered. "We know about Valdemar due to many years' scientific research through a joint military and intelligence operation program. People have speculated for years that the military has been working on projects the public would classify as 'science fiction', and they're correct."

I held up my hand to stop him and stared. _Oh Jesus Tap-dancing Christ. He's not gonna say what I think he's gonna say, right? _"Hold up. Are you tellin' me the truth is actually the crappy sci-fi B-movie explanation?" I asked. He nodded and I rolled my eyes. _Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me._ "So are we talkin' legit science or adapted alien technology here?"

Hill laughed as Glazer continued explaining. "It all does sound like something out of a bad movie, I'll give you that, but this is legitimate science. No alien technology is involved as far as I'm aware. What's been happening is since the 1940's, just after World War II, the government has been running a joint military and intelligence agency project to examine the possibility of inter-dimensional travel, using the best minds in science from around the world. It's only been within the last couple years that the project has seen success."

"So public theory has always been right, that you guys have been up to your eyeballs in making science fiction stuff reality," I said. He nodded. I looked down at my hands and attempted to make sense of what I was being told. _I don't know why I'm surprised, but I am. I don't know what kind of answer I was looking for, but anything other than this would be more believable. The military and government messing with inter-dimensional travel? Oy. _"Okay, so then what?" I asked after a few moments had passed.

"A couple years ago the project made the first of many breakthroughs allowing us to understand the divide and how to transverse it," Hill said. "Once we figured out how and made sure travel was safe, the military started planning trips. We've been to quite a few interesting places, but about a month ago we received a real shock when one team found themselves in Valdemar."

"It was the strangest thing," Trine finally piped up. "I was back at the Collegium teaching a geography class when it suddenly felt like the whole world was being torn apart. I couldn't breath or think and the foundation of the Palace shook. After the sensation passed, one of the Bard trainees looked out the window and saw a team of six men standing in one of the gardens.

"To make a long story short, when the introductions had been made and the Queen and Council had the opportunity to speak with them, they were told about you and things started getting really interesting," Trine said with a dry chuckle. "Anyone who had had even a passing acquaintance with you was brought in for questioning."

"What did they want to know?" I inquired.

Trine shrugged. "I can't really speak for anyone else, but they wanted me to tell them everything I knew. What your personality was like, the kind of person I thought you were, where exactly you came from over here, what you'd told other about the States, things like that. Then, after about a week of talking with everyone and discussing the next move, it was decided to try and bring you back."

Needless to say I was floored and feeling rather out of my element. My mind was reeling from what I'd just been told and I knew it was going to take a few days to get used to the information. I rested my elbows on the table and rested my chin on my hands, attempting to take it all in. _So my life's gone from being the main character in a whacked-out fairytale to being a science fiction plotline. I just can't do anything by halves. Or is this still simply some weird-ass dream I'm having? Ya know what, I don't know anymore so I'm just gonna go with it. Fuck it all._

I sat up and sighed again. "How do you two fit into all this? Are you just part of the intell team since you're CIA or what? How are you involved?" I asked Hill and Glazer.

Glazer answered. "We're two of the raking officials for the intelligence side of the project. What that means is, because our primary goal right now is to forge an alliance with the worlds we visit, hopefully somewhere down the line we can learn something about the magic and Gifts Valdemar uses and incorporate them into the military and intelligence sectors. We take what's being learned and figure out how the government can benefit from it."

I crossed my arms and thought it over. Because of my training as a Herald I've come to have a new appreciation for politics and I understand the need for secrecy on certain matters. This was _definitely _one of those times. If a rumor of this got out it would, at best, be delegated to the conspiracy pages right next to the incident at Roswell and the JFK assassination. At worst, it could spell political suicide and possibly lead to animosity between nations, thus risking war. Tricky, tricky.

"Miss Keller," Hill interrupted, "you've had a long day. Because we're leaving the city tomorrow to send you and Mr. Whitecroft back, let's get you two back to his hotel so you can rest."

About two hours later, Trine and I were alone in a rather luxurious hotel room on the Magnificent Mile. I had just ordered room service for us (no surprise the Feds were fitting the bill) and was sitting by the window looking at the glorious view of Lake Michigan, going over the day's events in my mind. It's not often when your world gets completely turned upside down by something, and deaths of a loved one don't really count. But to have an event of epic proportions happen once, and then almost a decade later happen again? Not many people could handle the strain.

_But are you,_ I couldn't help but think. _Are you really handling the strain? How do you know you haven't lost it? Maybe you have finally given in to your fantasies and this isn't real. It's entirely possible. _But as I watched Trine re-pack the few items he'd brought with him from Haven, I told that thought to go to hell. _I don't know if this is really happening or not. And if I am crazy then there's no way I'm ever gonna know for sure. I have at least two people who seem to be indulging my hallucinations and I'd like to think one of my friends here, so I'm gonna to indulge myself as well. Maybe it's high time I did that anyway._

"So, what philosophical grievances are you pondering now?" Trine asked as he finished throwing things into his saddlebags.

I looked at him sideways and smirked. "What makes you think I'm pondering anything? I could be thinking about absolutely nothing."

"You? Not bloody likely," he snorted. "The six years I've known you you've always been thinking about something. I'd wager the only time you don't think is when you're sleeping, but I'm not placing any bets." He walked over to me and sat down in the opposite chair, leveling me with a measuring look. "I'm only going to ask you this once and I expect an honest and truthful answer. _How are you? _When I tried Mindspeaking with you the other night you seemed as scared as a high-strung horse. How are you holding up?"

I released a shuddering sigh as my hands began to shake and my chest began to tighten; danger signs of an oncoming panic attack. I focused on a calming picture in my mind to soothe myself and after a minute or two felt ready to spill the beans.

"Honestly, I'm a fucking mess. I've been under so much stress trying to keep my Gifts in check and not use them that I feel like my sanity is hanging on by a thread. Since I've been back, I've been developed migraines and panic attacks, diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder where I'm easily startled and usually over react, I have problems sleeping, am on six different medications for all of this, have been to numerous shrinks to help me get over this and yet I don't feel any better." My voice was beginning to shake, I was so on edge. Trine took my hands and squeezed them reassuringly, not saying anything. He used to surprise me sometimes by showing more tact and compassion then I gave him credit for. This was no different.

"And if that wasn't bad enough my control over my Gifts feels like it's all but gone. I can't be around open flames because I'm afraid I could loose control of my Firestarting, sometimes my shields collapse and I can Hear the thoughts of everyone around me, and a couple times when Shannon's been away I've lost control of my Fetching." I was starting to cry by just thinking of the damage I was capable of and it scared the shit out of me. "I'm dangerous. The only consolation I have is that I haven't actually _hurt_ anyone. So I still have some control, but it's tentative at best. I need to get sorted out and there's no way that's gonna happen here."

Trine nodded gravely and looked slightly sick. "I thought as much. I may only be a Mindspeaker and a poor one at that, but it's obvious even to me that you're a right mess. That's why I've only use Mindspeech a couple times with you. What do you say to trying to get your shields stabilized?" We worked for the next half hour until our dinner arrived, and by then I felt better than I had in months. Dare I say years. It was amazing just how much of a difference having stable, but weak, shields could make.

I wanted to wait until we were in private to ask the more personal questions I had, and I figured that was a good time as we sat down to eat.

"Trine, what happened that afternoon?" I asked, letting a little bit of desperation seep into my tone. "The day I left? All I remember is walking through Companions' Field after our picnic, then boom, I'm back here. What happened?"

He sat silently for a while, gathering his words. I could tell he was reliving memories he still had a hard time dealing with. "I have _never_, felt a Companion fall into complete panic before, and if I never have to again it will be too soon. I didn't feel anything happen, but I was on my way to my class when I heard a Mindvoice start screaming, 'She's gone!'. I'd never heard Shay before I didn't know it was her, but when Aryon told me who it was I panicked and rushed outside. There were other Heralds already there when I arrived and Shay was standing in the Field, shaking like a leaf and screaming over and over."

Trine shook his head sadly. "We don't know what happened, just that you were presumably there one second and the next you were gone. And if Shayna knows anything, she's not talking. But then she doesn't talk to anyone much anymore. The only one who can get anything substantial out of her is Tashir."

"To Tashir?" I asked in awe. Every now and then Shayna had included him in conversations, but not often. I found it amazing she was now talking almost exclusively to him.

"Yeah, surprising huh? Many of the Heralds thought she would Choose him after a while, and some tried to force the issue, but Shayna refused to Choose anyone else. As I said earlier she seemed alright for a little while, but then started either spending most of her time alone or with Tashir, claiming it was because he was the only one who understood how much she hurt," Trine explained.

I must have looked pretty dumbfounded because Trine gave one of his roaring laughs and pointed an accusing finger at me. "Jennifer, I don't know what you did to that poor man, but you left him whipped. He tried to go back to chasing skirts around the Court, but those encounters never lasted long and he hasn't been seen with another woman for almost six months."

He laughed again, this time seeming a bit sheepish. "I've already said too much because he said he wants to speak with you himself, but it's obvious to everyone who knew anything about your relationship he's still completely mad about you. Don't be surprised if the first night you're back he topples you into bed."

I smiled and felt rather embarrassed upon hearing that, but part of me was flattered and bursting with joy. _He still loves me? Or at least thinks he still does. Well, that's one good thing to possibly look forward to because my feelings certainly haven't changed. Not if my dreams of late are any indication._

"How's everyone else? And please give me some good news. I don't want to hear anything bad," I said.

"Oh, they're all fine," Trine said superficially with a wave of his fork. "Selenay and Daren were thinking about handing over the crown to Kris when your people showed up but that got thrown out the window. So he's still suffering through Council sessions as heir. Nia's eager as hell for you to come back and will probably be waiting for us at the terminus. Jervan and Lytha are constantly off doing whatever it is they do these days. I hardly see them anymore." He laughed again. "Basically, everyone's waiting on you to come home!" he said with his eyes twinkling.

I laughed in return. "I'm surprised you're the only one who came. Hell, I'm surprised you came at all. I remember you told me once you never wanted to see this place."

"Kris, Nia, Tashir, and I talked it over and figured I was the best choice because I'm a friend and would seem less threatening," he said. "Kris was dying to but the Council needs him there. Nia didn't for two reasons. The first you'll see when we get home and the second is she didn't think you'd appreciate seeing a Mind-Healer when we showed up to get you. She assumed your mental issues would be worse than before and didn't want to upset you. And Tashir, well," Trine thought for a moment, "I could tell he wanted to come. But I think he was afraid of getting his heart broken over the possibility of there being someone else."

"And what about you?" I asked him.

"Noffin to repurt," he said around a mouthful of steak.

When Trine ran out of gossip to fill me in on, he started bombarding me with questions about the things he'd seen on the TV over the last couple weeks. I tried my best to explain the allure of soap operas and some movies he'd seen, but he only shook his head and said we Americans were psychotic. I don't know when we finally decided to pack it in for the night, but it was after both our throats had gone dry from talking so much. But I do know I slept more soundly that night than I had in a very long time.


	4. ReIntroductions

_**Disclaimer: **_As freakin' cool as it would be to own the _Heralds of Valdemar_ series, I don't and Mercedes Lackey does. I own the original characters and this attempt at a plot, but that's it.

**A/N: **Hello everyone! Because the paper I had due today is thankfully now in the hands of my professor, I decided I could poke my head out of my black hole for a little bit and post the next chapter.This one is the long awaited return to Valdemar for Jennifer and so it's a really happy chapter. Word of warning, this gets a little sappy at the end but I don't think anyone will mind. You'll see why. Lastly, if you're reading this then I want to thank you for not puking during chapter three. As I've told people in response to their reviews, I don't really like that I've used the whole dimensional travel gig. But if I'm gonna be making fun of things throughout the story, then that was a good place to start.

So I'm going to stop rambling now and let you get on to reading. Enjoy! _  
_

_Ch. 4: Re-Introductions_

Trine and I left Chicago three days later and were flown to where ever it was we were sitting and waiting. It was a military facility _somewhere_ in the continental states but nobody was telling us where for security reasons. I do, however, know it wasn't Area 51 in Nevada because the base wasn't smack in the middle of the desert.

So we were waiting in a conference or debriefing room for someone to tell us it was time to head out. It was a comfortable enough room, with plush black leather chairs surrounding a rectangular table and the walls painted a calming shade of gray. I barely noticed any of it since I was too busy pacing. I had tried to sit down when we first entered but found I couldn't. It was more comforting to be pacing the length of the room. Trine was on the opposite side of the room playing with the whiteboard and different colored markers.

"What color were you thinking?" he eventually asked in a slightly irritated tone. He didn't bother to turn around.

"Huh? Whadda ya mean?" I responded, coming out of my wandering haze.

"What color do you think their new carpet should be? Apparently you don't like this one because you're doing a fine job of wearing a hole in it." Trine picked up a green marker and tried to blend it with the blue square he'd drawn on the board. He frowned when the colors wouldn't combine.

I rung my hands and continued to pace. "I'm sorry but I'm anxious."

Trine looked over his shoulder and laughed at me. "Jennifer, I know you're anxious. But you have to admit there must be a better way than that to show your government you're not the most patient person."

"Well, it _is_ an ugly color," I said, looking down at the thin, baby-shit brown carpet. I then took a seat on the glossy surface of the table and looked at my watch. 1:39 pm. We'd been waiting for roughly a quarter of an hour but the minutes were crawling by and making me even more irritated. I scowled and turned my attention back to Trine as he continued to draw with the markers. "You're really having fun with those, aren't ya?"

"You know, even though I still much prefer life in Valdemar, this board and pens are a few of the things I believe would be useful to have back at the Collegium." Trine capped the marker he's been using and placed it back on the tray, choosing to take a seat next to me. His eyes were thoughtful as he sat and for a few moments didn't say anything.

"You know something else? The few weeks I've spent here learning about America and waiting to see you, I've come to have a greater appreciation for how well you've kept it together," he said with a small smile. "Until now, I don't think I ever truly believed the stories you used to tell on the rare occasion you would talk about your life here. The way you described everyday things, like lighting and how you entertain yourselves, to be honest I thought sounded completely mad. I thought you'd made some of it up," Trine said as he looked at me and shrugged.

"But now you know I didn't," I replied softly.

Trine nodded. "It's going to be a bit of a shock for me when we get back and I've only been here two weeks. But this is where you grew up; for you it's normal." He sighed and ran a hand through his red hair. "And to have suddenly found yourself in Valdemar as you did, it's no wonder you act the way you do."

I gave him a small smile of gratitude. "I can't make any promises, but I think this time 'round will be a little easier. Hopefully I won't be as spaz-happy."

At that moment there was a knock on the door and a man wearing fatigues entered. "Herald Trine, Miss Keller, we're ready."

Trine and I slid off the table as I gave our appearances one last look over. He was dressed in his Whites, looking every bit as I had remembered. I had been tempted to wear my Golds, but Trine advised it may not send the right message to the U.S. government for me to leave dressed as a Herald. He thought it would be best to wait until we returned to Valdemar and I had a chance to speak with the Circle. So instead I wore jeans and a dark brown t-shirt with a bit of lace trim at the bodice. It was causal yet still looked nice.

We were led down a few indistinguishable corridors to a pair of large metal doors with "CAUTION" painted on them. A buzzer sounded and the doors parted, revealing a small warehouse-like space with loads of techno gadgets and more military personnel. The main attraction, however, I'm not sure how to describe. The only way I can is a square-ish frame thing with a bunch of wires and cords coming out of it. It was kinda anti-climatic really. I was expecting something a little more complex, like in the TV show _Stargate SG-1_.

A couple of the military men who came with Trine were going back with us, and they were already waiting in front of the Gate. Exactly who they were and what their function was, I don't know. My and Trine's bags were sitting on the ground next to them, waiting patiently like everyone else. I stood in front of the terminus and took a steadying breath. This was it; there was no turning back. In a few minutes time I'd be taking part in a government science fair project and be back among people who didn't think I was nuts. The thought of inter-dimensional travel sent a shiver down my spine.

A voice suddenly came over the loudspeaker saying, "Activating Gate," and I could hear the gadgets around us come buzzing to life. Again, I guess I was expecting something a little more impressive, such as flickering lights, flying sparks, or a gust of wind from when the Gate turned on, but none of that happened. Instead there was the loud buzzing, and then silence. No flashes, no wind, nothing to give any hint anything had happened.

"What went wrong?" I asked puzzled. "Shouldn't something have happened?"

One of the men going over just looked at me and smiled. "All you have to do is walk forward and brace yourself. It's really simple." To prove it, the man picked up Trine and my luggage and walked towards the metal structure. The other man motioned for us to follow so we did, hesitantly. We walked under the frame and stopped at the apex. I looked up to see if I could tell if anything was happening. Then, I saw a red light blink once, twice, three times, and poof.

I felt like I had just jumped off the zenith of Mt. Everest and was falling, falling, with no hope of ever finding solid ground. My stomach started to churn and my limbs felt like lead. All I knew was emptiness and wasn't aware of my traveling companions at all. And as soon as it began, it stopped. My feet felt something solid and my body went crashing to the ground, landing flat on my face.

The experience of traveling through a Mage Gate was nothing compared to inter-dimensional travel. I felt sick and all my senses, normal and extra, were insanely disoriented. I groaned and brought myself to all shaky fours, keeping my head down as a wave of dizziness washed over me.

"Miss Keller, are you alright?" I heard someone ask. It had to have been one of the military goons since they were the only ones who'd call me by my last name.

"Holy fucking _shit!_ What the hell just happened?!" I exclaimed weakly. Another wave of dizziness hit me, causing me to close my eyes and lower my head to rest on the cool grass. After a minute my mind instantly cleared as my senses caught up to me. _Grass? I'm touching grass?!_ My eyes flew open and head shot up, allowing me to take in the sight I never thought I'd see again, much less have people tell me was real.

We had landed in one of the grassy areas in one of the Palace gardens. Flowers of all kinds and colors were blooming around us and the air was thick with their various perfumes. One of the many sparkling fountains was raining water into the lower reflecting pool to my right. A small distance to my left was the stone outer exterior of what I (shockingly) recognized as the Heraldic Wing. I took it all in with complete amazement. It was all there, just as I "remembered".

Trine helped me up off the ground as I continued to look around. Blue garbed palace servants had come out to take Trine and my bags inside. Where mine were going I didn't know and didn't particularly care at the moment. A couple men dressed in American style suits were standing off to the side and conversing with our escorts. I looked behind me and saw a square structure similar to the one that had brought us there had been erected. I couldn't see anyway for it to be powered, but it didn't matter as far as I was concerned. Tears of joy filled my eyes as I looked to the clear blue summer sky and I clung to Trine to keep myself from falling over again. I was back.

"Welcome home, Herald-Mage Jennifer," Trine said softly.

I grinned widely and felt like I could take on the world. The beginnings of solid realization that I really was back were slowly trickling into my mind, telling the part of me still in doubt to drown in the river. "Damn straight I'm home," I responded. I looked around again and my smile faded a little. "Where is everyone? Did only the Americans know we were coming?"

"No, Aryon just told me Selenay and Daren have been informed and they pass along their greetings, saying they'll call for you later. As for others, people were probably told to stay away because of the equipment," Trine said. "Anyway, the first thing you should do is see to Shayna." Trine's eyes unfocused for a few seconds as he talked to Aryon. "She's down by the stream. Aryon's told her we're here but she's refusing to believe him."

"Well she'll believe me," I said, thinking briefly it was sorta funny that I'd barely been back two minutes and I was already acting like I'd never left. I turned on my heel and headed off in the direction of the stables to get a small bucket of grain and some fresh hay to carry out to her. The first thing Shayna was going to do was eat. _Then _I'd chew her ass for refusing food and nearly starving herself.

Trine helped me gather the food and carry it out to the pine tree line. With a silent nod and a smile, he handed me the bucket and left me to see to Shayna on my own. I entered the cool shade of the trees and reveled at the familiar sights, smells, and sounds that had brought me comfort during the countless hours I'd spent out there. My feet still knew the way even though I'd been away for three years.

I slipped through the pines as silently as I could as to not disturb Shay. The last thing I wanted was for her to get defensive right off the bat. A small break in the trees and the familiar sound of water laughing over rocks could be heard. More importantly, though, there on the stream bank lay a snow white horse-shape with its back to me. She was thin, but exactly how thin was hard to determine due to the shade. Before I could make a move, I Heard her beautiful voice.

_:Go away and leave me be! I wish to be alone for the sake of the Gods!:_

"I'm sorry, Dave, but I'm afraid I can't do that," I said in my best HAL voice from _2001: A Space Odyssey. _

Shayna's head whipped around. At first her big blue eyes glared maliciously at me, but widened and softened as she saw it who it was. She stood slowly and turned around to face me. I dropped the hay and bucket on the ground and bit my lip as I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

"Hey, Shay." My voice was trying to catch in my throat and sounded thick.

_:Jennifer? Chosen?:_

I nodded eagerly and closed the remaining distance between us, throwing my arms around her neck and burying my face in her silky mane. Hoping the bond connecting us was still intact, I wordlessly sent her all my love as I started to cry. From Shay I first felt shock, but then the familiar rush of overwhelming love and comfort followed. The wave of emotions nearly brought me to my knees.

_:I didn't believe Aryon when he said Trine had brought you back!: _Shayna wailed sadly in my mind. _:I thought it was just a way to get me away from here.:_

_:Yeah, well even though his Chosen is a bit of an idiot sometimes, you need to give those guys more credit, Shay.: _I Mindspoke with a mental laugh.

She didn't say anything for a few moments as I rubbed her neck fondly. Shay was thinner than I thought, but not to the point where she'd done herself serious damage. It would take a few weeks to get her back to full weight, but I'd nurse her back to health for as long as it took.

_:Are you really here? Did you really come back?:_ Shay asked.

_:I'm back, sweetheart. I'm back and I'm not going anywhere without you. I left you here once by yourself and I don't intend on doing that again. I've missed you too much.: _I laughed aloud at my next thought. _:But then should you really be asking _me_ that question?:_

_:I suppose not.: _Shayna replied and echoed my laugh. _:I never gave up on you. I always knew you were still alive and would come back somehow. You're still my Chosen and I love you.:_

"I love you too," I answered. I pulled away and was lost in the drowning depths of her crystal blue eyes. Our Herald-Companion Bond was weak but still there and would continue to grow the longer I stayed with her. I retrieved the grain and hay and plunked it down in front of her. "Okay, you. You need to eat."

_:You're not going to make me eat all of it, are you?: _She eyed the bucket and hay with a small amount of distain, then back at me.

"You're gonna eat a little of both so ya don't make yourself sick. Then we'll let it sit for a couple hours and see how ya do," I told her sternly, crossing my arms. "If you're gonna be stupid enough to starve yourself for weeks on end, then I'm gonna make sure you eat. And I don't care what hole I have to shove it down as long as some of it ends up in your stomach."

I spent the next half hour making sure she ate slowly before she fell asleep. Shay said she'd been sleeping less and less over the last couple months, but as soon as I curled up beside her she was out cold. Nothing short of a bomb going off right next to us was going to wake her.

I sat and watched the birds flitter through the trees like I had so many times before and felt more content then I had for so long. I felt like a person and not just an empty shell going through the motions of daily life. I had a purpose again, even if for now it was only to get Shay healthy. The rest of my duties would come later.

After a while I heard the time bell toll 5:00, and as if on cue my stomach responded with a rumble. As if response to _me,_ I heard the sounds of two pairs of footsteps coming through the trees towards Shay and I and I smiled. There were three people who would be coming that way, but I had a sneaking suspicion I knew who the two were.

"Care for some company and food?" said the masculine voice, rich with excitement.

"Too bad for her, she's getting it whether she wants it or not," a higher female voice chimed in, her tone just as enthusiastic.

_Thought so, _I thought with a smile. "I don't know," I replied. "I'm not exactly batting .500 when food and this place are combined. I have a tendency to disappear into thin air." I turned around grinning, my eyes falling on Kris and Nia. Kris was holding a basket in one hand and had a blanket draped over his other arm. He hadn't changed. He had the same wavy brown hair, kind puppy-dog eyes, and seemed to tower over the smaller Nia. Her blond hair was pulled back from her face which looked heavier than I remembered and her brown eyes shone with delight.

Before I could do more than stand Nia rushed over to me and enveloped me in a fierce hug and a cry of "It is so good to see you!!" The hug was more of a clamp around my shoulders as something was keeping her from hugging me fully.

"Nia, holy crap, Batman!" I exclaimed when she pulled away. I looked down at her belly and back at her, mouth open in surprise. "You're pregnant!"

She nodded and smiled gleefully. "And only two more months to go." Nia's eyebrows knit together as she eyed me. "Trine didn't tell you?"

I was about to call him a string of unflattering names when I remembered why he said Nia didn't come. "Not in so many words," I laughed. "He said I'd see for myself the main reason you didn't come, but never hinted that you were knocked up."

Her face soured. "I'm going to have a few words with my husband."

"Husband?!"

"He didn't tell you that either?"

"No!"

"So do I just get to stand here holding the basket or do I get a proper greeting too," Kris asked with mock indignation. He put down the burdens and I stuck my tongue out at him. I walked the few separating steps and caught him in a fierce hug.

"Welcome home, Jenn," he whispered into my hair and squeezed me harder.

I had to gasp a little for breath. "Kris, if you don't let go I'm gonna pop."

He let me go and held me at arms length, looking me over. "You look stressed," he said worriedly.

"How bad has it been?" Nia said and placed a gentle hand on my arm.

"Well, if I'm gonna do this story justice we might as well sit down," I told them. Kris laid out the blanket and the three of us dug into our dinner. By then Shayna had woken up and I gave them the same story as Trine, only I didn't start to loose my cool. It may have been the surroundings and the certainty that I was back or having Shayna there, but as I explained things to Nia and Kris I felt calmer and more in control. It was a hell of a nice feeling to have.

We spent the rest of the early evening catching up and filling me in on the details of the last couple weeks. According to Kris, talks with the Americans had been put on temporary hold until I came back and could be assessed. He didn't elaborate on why the treaty talks had been halted and I didn't want to know. Sooner or later I was going to find out the gritty details.

Off in the distance the four of us heard the clashing of thunder, which was accompanied with a gust of icy wind that ripped through the pines. The storm was an expected one, and I was silently relieved that the new gates, as far as people knew, didn't muck with the weather patterns.

We gathered our things quickly and rushed back to the Palace, trying to beat the first drops of rain. I started to head to the stables with Shayna get her settled, but she nudged me towards Kris.

_:Go get yourself settled in, love. There's nothing you need to do for me right now and you need to get some rest as much as I do.:_

"Are you sure?" I had actually been thinking about spending the night with her, but she gave me another shove.

_:Do you think I want to wake up to you bellyaching about how cold and wet you got from the rain? I have missed you terribly but I haven't missed your complaining about certain things,:_ Shayna laughed at me.

I gave her a goodnight hug and kiss. "I'm gonna have to get used to you bein' in my head again. Freakin' talkin' horses." That earned me a shove onto the ground, but as Shay walked away she sent me another wave of love. I was forgiven.

Kris and I said goodnight to Nia at one of the outer doors just as the rain began to fall. Trine and her suite was at the opposite end of the Heralds' Wing from me, as Kris had informed me as we were walking back that my tower rooms were ready and waiting.

"Shayna refused to let the Circle give them to another Herald," he said. "Anytime the possibility was brought up, she got wind of it and told us rather pointedly that she'd run us all down if we gave up your rooms." I was grateful for that because I did _not _want to be put up somewhere else. If I had been, I definitely would have been back in the stable with Shay.

Kris walked me to my rooms and left me to get settled. I stood and stared at the closed door for a moment, almost scared to enter. But I sucked it up, and with a shaking hand turned the handle and pushed it open, revealing the living room area. I didn't stop to look around just yet as the windows had been left open and the wind had really begun to pick up. I rushed over and latched the glass shut, thankful the rain was coming straight down. That was when I turned to survey my familiar but alien quarters.

It looked just as I remembered, only cleaner. _That's because you haven't lived here for a few years and you always leave things lying around. Of course it's cleaner._ A large fireplace built into the main wall with a plush couch and chair flanking it on either side. A small table stood between them, holding a bowl of fresh fruit and a bottle of what I thought was wine, but upon examination found to be cider. _Good, someone remembered to tell the servants I don't drink. Then why the hell do I work in a bar? _The opposite wall housed my desk and a pad of stationary lay there waiting to be used.

In between the windows was a large wooden bookcase that had been built into the stone and housed my large collection of books. I ran my fingers over the leather spines lovingly and itched to take one down and start reading. But my window seat, still lined with green and blue pillows, was a little damp from the moist air and I still had to unpack my things. So I headed to the other door and opened it, revealing my former bedroom.

It too was familiar, but definitely _way _too clean. The only things on the ground were a couple of rugs and a large trunk at the foot of the four poster bed, when during my previous occupancy things would be strewn all over. A small table on each side of the bed held a lamp for reading and the wardrobe door on the left side of the room stood slightly ajar, showing a collection of gold colored clothing. My suitcase and bag were sitting on the floor in front of it.

I figured the best place for my clothes would be the trunk, so I pulled the suitcase over and lifted the lid. It contained my other clothes, the ones I'd had with me when I first came to Valdemar almost ten years previous. As I looked through the items it hit me that my rooms in essence belonged to three people, all living within the same body and mind. One was a young, scared college freshman who had very little idea what was going on. Another was a confidant Herald-Mage who could take on the world. And now there was the confused and jaded woman who didn't know where she belonged.

The trunk wasn't even half full, so I piled things on top of each other, placing the items of my old clothing that I thought I could still wear on top of the old. Then I put the things I'd brought with me next to those. I closed the lid and got to work setting around some of the nick-knacks I'd brought as well. A picture of Shannon and I found a spot on the table in the front room, and my iPod and speakers went on the mantle of the fireplace. I went back to the bedroom and was putting a few more things away when a knock on the main door to the suite came.

"Come on in!" I called out, trusting the person could show themselves in. I finished up in the bedroom by putting my bear on the bed and went to see who the guest was. My guess was confirmed when I silently leaned against the door frame and looked him over.

Just like with Kris, he didn't look to have changed at all. Dark brown hair still fell just _so_ into his beautiful brown eyes and framed his Johnny Depp-like features. His tall, lean body was still dressed in scarlet as he gave the picture of Shannon and me a wistful smile. That was when I noticed the small difference in his uniform.

"You're wearing sliver," I said with a smile, breaking the silence. His tunic bore small amounts of silver cording as an indication of rank.

Tashir looked up from the picture and his smile widened and brightened. "What was that?" he asked.

I smiled shyly and crossed my arms. _That smile still makes me feel like a high schooler. Damn, he's still got it. _"You're wearing silver. You got the job."

He smirked and gave a sweeping bow. "Court Bard Tashir Lafaldon, at your service." He placed the picture back on the table and walked towards me. I met him half way as he caught me in his strong arms and swung me around. I buried my face in his shoulder and reveled in the sensation of feeling him next to me. "Gods, I missed you so much," he breathed into my ear. I tightened my arms around his neck.

"I've missed you too." My voice broke slightly from trying to fight back the tears. _He's really here, right? The man I still love is right here and I'm not dreaming this? Please let this be real. Please, please let this be real._

He held me close for some time, reluctant to let me go, and I didn't want him to either. Eventually we pulled away and he caught my face in his hands, his thumbs lightly brushing away the stray tears that had fallen on my cheeks. Tashir looked me up and down, wearing the happiest smile I'd ever seen, not saying anything. Finally he spoke as I was at a loss for words.

"I knew there was something missing, and I just figured out what it is. For all the years I've known you, I don't believe I've ever seen you without your dragon necklace," he said as his fingers moved from my face to lightly trace the line of my throat.

My hand reached up involuntarily to touch the empty space and he caught my hand in his. The necklace had a pendant of a dragon breathing fire, reared up on its hind legs with its wings spread. I'd worn it everyday but had been lost when I returned to the States. It had been a source of courage and strength for me during my first six years in Valdemar, and was the inspiration for one of my many nicknames: Dragon Mage. I'd sorely missed since.

"I lost it when I went home," I explained. "It wasn't with the things I'd been wearing and I tried to go back and look for it, but it's gone. I guess I'll have to find something to replace it."

Tashir shook his head, still smiling. "Close your eyes." I gave him a questioning look but did as he said. I heard the rustle of fabric and then something with a cool, light metal weight being fastened around my neck. He let his fingers trail slowly down my skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake and sending shivers down my spine. Tashir then took my hand and clasped my fingers around the familiar contours of the pendant. I opened my eyes in a hurry and looked down.

"I found it the next day, when I went back to the spot where Shayna said you disappeared. So you did in fact loose it, just not where you thought," Tashir choked, allowing a tear to fall.

I couldn't believe it. I had been so certain my dragon necklace had been lost, but Tashir had had it all that time. "You had it? You had it and kept it?" I gasped.

He nodded and wiped away another of my tears. "It was one of the only pieces of you I had left. And it was something you cherished."

"You didn't have to. I never expected you to."

"But I could never forget the most perfect woman I'd ever met, and the only one I've ever loved." One hand went back to my face and the other circled around my waist as he pulled me in for what was quite possibly the most passionate and searing kiss he'd ever given me.

The moment our lips met, I felt as if I'd been hit by lighting. Pure electricity seemed to course through me and suck the air out of my lungs. I lost myself in the sensation of being in his arms and barely noticed when he lifted me up, wrapping my legs around his waist and pressed me against the wall. His hands were helping to support my weight as my fingers became tangled in his hair. He wasn't just kissing me, but making love to my mouth and making my tonsil orgasm. Someone could have come in screaming the Palace was on fire and we were all going to die, but I don't think we would've noticed. Tashir and I were busy.

We soon moved to the bedroom and spent the rest of the night alternately talking and making love. All that mattered was that we showed the other how much we still cared.

Around dawn as I was just about to drift off to sleep, I heard Tashir whisper the most wonderful words I could have imagined at the time. He lay facing me, arms holding me close when he whispered, "Gods, whoever is responsible, thank you. Thank you for bringing the love of my life back to me."

It was then I knew, that even though I may not have really believed in marriage, I'd say yes if he ever asked me.


	5. Getting Back in the Swing of Things

_**Disclaimer:**_ If you've read it or heard about it before in a Mercedes Lackey book, then it's hers. If you haven't read it before then it's probably mine, but I make no promises. I get nothing out of this but personal enjoyment and a larger headache because I have other stuff I should be doing.

**A/N:** Hello, hello, again everyone and here's Ch. 5. I was hoping to have this up a few days ago, but for some reason freaked out and wouldn't upload the chapter. But thankfully that's fixed so a HUGE Thank you, Danke, Merci, Domo arigato gozaimasu to the support staff for fixing the problem. And if they didn't, you guys rock anyway.

Lastly, I know I didn't reply to everyone's review for Ch. 4 and that's because I came down with the sinus infection from hell and the accompanying migraine and forgot who all I'd replied to. So if you didn't hear from me, I'm sorry but I do love you all. :D

Okay, time for things to get more interesting. I think I got all the plot holes filled but let me know if I missed any. Enjoy!_  
_

_Ch. 5: Getting Back in the Swing of Things_

I dreamt I was floating on a white puffy cloud, drifting silently through the sky without a care in the world. I was lying on my side, head propped on my right hand while my left was busy making swirls with the cloud matter, making them look like the tops of ice cream cones. For being so high up, it was surprisingly warm. The longer I played with the cloud, the sleepier I felt until I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. I nestled my head in the crook of my right arm and snuggled into the cloud, pulling more of the fluffy white substance over me, until all you could see was my head and a splay of brown hair. But as I drifted off to sleep in my dream, I slowly began to wake in "real" life.

I was curled up on my right side and was as warm as in my dream, completely relaxed on the soft feather mattress. I opened my eyes bit by sleepy bit, not fully registering my surroundings. I was to one side of the mattress while the other side, which showed signs of previously being occupied, was empty. Across the room was a large window set into a stone wall, showing nothing but blue sky. I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. _What the hell?_ I thought. _Where the hell am I? Am I still dreaming?_

I continued to look around the room and started to become more confused. _This isn't my room, this isn't even Chicago. I must still be dreaming. Yeah, that's it._ I shook my head and pinched my forearm to wake myself up. I felt the pain and yelped, but didn't wake. I tried a couple more times and had the same result; thus causing me to slightly panic. _When you're in a dream and you're ready to wake up, you're supposed to pinch yourself. So why aren't I coming out of it? _The longer I sat there willing my mind to come out of slumber the more worried I became when nothing happened. Then I heard it.

_:Good afternoon, Chosen. I'm sure you slept quite well, considering who your bed partner was.:_

"Wha…?" I said and snapped my head around, trying to find the source of the voice. My heart began to pound in my chest as it tightened and my breathing became more labored. A panic attack was beginning to set in.

_:Jennifer, calm down, it's alright. It's fine, everything is going to be fine.:_ and the voice was followed by what was supposed to be a wave of comfort, but it only caused me to feel more afraid. My thoughts immediately went to the small bottle of pills I kept in my bag which was laying on the floor in front of the large wardrobe. I whipped the sheets back and dove for it, digging out the bottle and quickly swallowing two pills. Then I realized I was kneeling on a stone floor without a stitch of clothing on. Somehow knowing the wardrobe contained a robe, I threw open the doors and found the desired garment. I put it on and leaned against the wardrobe, shaking.

I was scared; I didn't know where I was or why I was hearing a voice in my head. Was it a realistic dream or had I progressed to the hearing voices phase of being insane. The items in the room had an air of familiarity but still felt foreign. I was unable to think clearly and my heart began to beat more erratically.

_:Jennifer, Chosen, are you alright? Say something, please!: _The voice sounded as frightened as I felt.

I looked around again and the events of the last week or so suddenly came back to me: hearing Trine Mindspeak to me the night at the bar, him showing up with the Feds, coming back to Valdemar, seeing Shayna and spending the night with Tashir. A wash of understanding and relief came over me as I let out a sobbing breath.

_:It's okay, Shay. I'm alright. I just…wigged out there for a sec. I just need to calm down and I'll be fine.: _I responded after a fashion, yet my words sounded shaky and unconvincing.

_:Are you sure? Should I send for Nia or Talia?:_ Shayna may have been agreeing with me but I knew she wasn't buying it.

"No, I'll be fine. Damn, you scared the crap outta me! I know you didn't mean to, but yikes!" I placed my head in my hands and started to do some breathing exercises in effort to calm down faster. It was difficult; my heart was pounding so hard it felt ready to recreate the scene from _Alien,_ only without the creepy-ass creature. Shayna continued to talk with me and calm me down until I heard the outer door of my suite open and hurried footsteps.

_:That's just Tashir.:_ Shay warned me. _:Just keep breathing and relax.:_

The bedroom door opened carefully and a moment later I felt Tashir gather me in his arms and pull me into his lap. He didn't say anything, just held me and stroked my hair until my breathing sounded more normal. I clung to him like he was the only thing that could save me, not really understanding why. I just felt the overwhelming need to know he was there.

"Are you going to be alright?" Tashir asked some time later as he pushed some of my hair behind my ear. "Shayna said you woke up and started to panic."

"I think so." I turned my face more into his chest and breathed in the scent that was him. Warm leather, a sharp ting of wood and instrument polish, and pure male musk. He was the best thing I'd smelled in ages and it calmed me down further. "Just one more thing to put on my list of reasons why I hate mornings. Where did you go?"

"You were still asleep and I decided to find us some lunch. I was about ready to come back when Shayna said you needed me," Tashir said softly.

"You didn't need to rush back for me. I would've been fine after a few minutes," I said. I sat up straighter and tried to give him a look that said 'Don't coddle me', but stopped when I saw the stern eye Tashir was giving me. I looked away feeling ashamed.

He put a finger under my chin and brought my eyes back to his; still giving me the look normally reserved for a naughty child. "Jennifer, I'm going to say this once and once only so listen well. You said numerous times last night that you felt unstable and needed help. So no more of this 'Leave me alone and I'll be fine' attitude, because I am _not_ going to let you bottle yourself up like last time. You no longer need to hide things because we believe you. We don't think you're crazy." Tashir then smiled a little. "Well, _I_ think you're crazy, but only in ways that make you irresistible."

I gave a small laugh and Tashir's tone became somber again. "I mean it, my Dragon Heart. Nobody will think less of you for needing a shoulder to cry on. That's what friends and the Heraldic Circle are for. That's what _I'm _here for, to help take care of you."

"Do you really think I need to be taken care of?"

"In this case, yes. And no matter what you do or say, you're not getting rid of me."

"As if I'd ever want to be rid of you," I told him. We heard the outer door creak open, followed by the sound of someone placing a tray on the table and leaving. Tashir kissed me and helped me stand, then led me out to the main room to eat.

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Waiting and wondering was something I'd found myself doing a lot of over the last few days. Later that afternoon I found myself waiting outside the Council chamber to be called in and have my immediate future decided by the Heralds. I assumed the small assembled Council would put me back into training, but how or where I didn't have a clue. Would I stay in Haven or be sent away? Would someone come to Haven if Elspeth and Darkwind wouldn't take me?

Since there was no ugly brown carpet to wear a hole in, I tried to amuse myself by singing "99 Bottles of Beer" and fussed over my Gold colored uniform. I hadn't worn it since I'd returned to the States and was concerned it didn't look right. But when I reached seventy-five bottles and wouldn't stop fussing over the leather, Shayna threatened to kick me into next week so I stopped. Yet due to the catchy nature of the song it was still stuck in my head. When I reached fifty bottles she got really mad and blocked me out completely.

Luckily it wasn't too long afterwards that I was called into the Council Chamber and stood before the occupants of the horse-shoe shaped table. Daren was sitting in Selenay's usual seat, his hair now more white than gray but showed no other signs of aging; Talia, who's face was lined with more wrinkles around her mouth and curly gray hair only showing a hint of its former auburn color, sat to his left and smiled warmly. Kris was on the other side of his father and Elspeth, representing the Herald-Mage trainees, was next to him. On the other side of Talia was her husband, Dirk, who apparently was still the Collegium Dean. The ancient Seneschal's Herald, Kryil, was there as was Griffon, the Herald to the Lord Marshal. There were two other Heralds there, an older man with salt and pepper hair and a younger fellow about my age. I didn't recognize them and assumed they would be speaking for the Herald trainees and Heralds on Circuit.

The two Heralds I didn't know looked me over and seemed to approve of what they saw, as I saw the younger man nod slightly to the older. Daren cleared his throat to gain everyone's attention and I mentally readied myself. _Okay, time to get professional. They just need to figure out what to do with you now, that's all. You've got nothing to hide from them._

"Welcome back, Herald-Mage Jennifer. I'm sure you've had an interesting few days," Daren said with a half smile.

I chuckled under my breath. "Interesting is an appropriately mild term, Your Majesty. But thank you, it's good to be back."

Daren pulled a piece of paper from the top of a small stack in front of him and looked it over. "The initial report Herald Trine gave us of you, I have to admit, has given us some cause for worry. He said you had been assessed by your mind-healers…scikiatrists…I believe the word is," he looked to me for confirmation and I corrected his pronunciation, "and they gave you a rather grim mental assessment. What can you tell us."

"Well, I wish I could paint a rosy picture for all of you, but I can't. To be honest, I'm amazed I'm standing here and am coherent." I then gave them the same story I'd told Trine, Kris, Tashir, Shay, and Nia. It was one thing to admit weaknesses to friends and trusted confidants, but another to admit those same weaknesses to some of the ranking Heralds. I felt ashamed at falling apart and not being able to keep my Gifts under control; I should have been tougher.

"How long has this been going on?" Dirk asked, worry etched into his features.

I bit my lower lip and thought. "For the better part of two years roughly," I told them. I was answered with a sharp intake of breath from everyone but Kris. "I know. I haven't hurt anyone and I don't think anyone has suspected anything, but I can't count of being that lucky all the time. I think the only reason I _haven't_ lost full control is because I can still Ground and Center, so I'm not _completely _off balance."

"That's the good news because, with Gifts as strong as yours, you could have caused a disaster," Talia chimed in. I simply nodded.

"It's obvious you need to be retrained, there's no doubt about that. The question is, who's available to give you private lessons again," the older of the unfamiliar Heralds stated. "I don't think it would be a good idea to put you in classes with the younger trainees should you loose control."

"Darkwind and I have already agreed to handle your Mage training again," Elspeth said promptly. "We may have stopped taking students soon after we were done with you, Jennifer, but you're too powerful to trust to anyone but Firesong, and we know for a fact he's tied up at the moment." She raised a playful eyebrow at me. "Think you can still handle us?"

I smirked at her and returned the look. "With all the shit I've been through in the last decade, I should hope so. Just don't break me back in too fast."

"Then we'll start first thing tomorrow," she said.

After some more discussion, I felt like I was a fresh-faced trainee again since I pretty much had the same teachers from when I first entered the Collegium: Elspeth and Darkwind for Mage, Dirk for Fetching and Firestarting, and Talia for my Projective Empathy. All of them would be helping to strengthen my shields, as that would take care of the few hang ups I had with Mindspeech and ThoughtSensing. Thankfully, the only Gift I didn't have to worry about retraining was FarSight.

After the meeting was adjourned and I was about halfway down the hall I Felt a gentle Mindtouch from Kris. I jumped about a foot in the air.

_:Holy crap, Kris! What're ya tryin' to do, give me a heart attack?:_

_:At the risk of sounding like Shayna, you need to get used to it again.:_

I scowled._ :Yeah, you do sound like her. Just don't give me the lecture too.:_

_:I will if I have to and you know it. Listen, Mother just finished with her private meeting and wants to see you. Think you can spare a few minutes?:_

_:Hell yes! Right now or when?:_

_:Now, so turn around. I'm waiting outside the Council door for you.:_

I turned around and made my way back, met up with Kris and followed him to the Royal section of the Palace. The guards at the door to the Queen's Suite looked apprehensive when they saw me, but let me through as I was with Kris. We entered the richly furnished public room and passed through to Selenay's private office. She was sitting at her desk putting her official seal on some documents, but immediately stopped when Kris and I walked through the door.

"Oh, Jennifer! I am so glad to see you back!" the Queen exclaimed as she enveloped me in a motherly hug. It wasn't known to the rest of the Heralds or Palace, but since I was good friends with all the royal children (Elspeth, Kris, and Lyra), I'd been unofficially adopted by Daren and Selenay and was treated like one of the family. I returned the hug with equaled enthusiasm. The Queen had continued to age gracefully and didn't look a day over sixty, even though she and Daren were both in their eighties.

"It's good to be back, I think," I replied honestly and sat down on one of the couches. Kris took the seat next to me and Selenay eased herself into a large padded chair next to the couch.

"You think? You've barely been back a day and you already have misgivings?" she said with a touch of humor.

"No. Let's just say I had a rough day yesterday and waking up was no picnic either," I said.

The Queen took my hand and squeezed it. "I heard about that. How often do you have these panic attacks?"

"It varies. Sometimes little things will set me off and other times I can be fine for months. It just goes to show how unstable I am at times," I shrugged and posed a question to Shay. _:I take it you passed the word around?:_

_:I told Rolan and he must have passed it on to Caryo. I'm not sure if all of the other Companions know, but that's fine. They don't need to.:_

Selenay nodded. "So long as we can provide the help you need, I won't worry too much about you. I will let others do the worrying for me," and shot a significant look to Kris, who reddened slightly. "I do, however, need to know if you think you are still capable of fulfilling your duties as a Herald. Since Shayna still recognizes you as her Chosen, you have responsibilities that cannot be ignored."

"I am," I said firmly. "I'm ready and willing to do whatever it is I can as a Herald-Mage of Valdemar, even though I'm not yet able. I know when I'm back to full speed I'm probably going to be in the middle of a messy political situation but my obligation to Valdemar comes first. I haven't forgotten that."

"That's good to hear, Jenn," Kris smiled. "The Council has been wondering about that, especially Lord Alastor. He's been certain you'd side with the Americans and be their puppet." I groaned inwardly.

"Speaking of politics, what exactly is the situation?" I asked. "I didn't get much out of the people I talked to because I figured it would be better to hear it from you guys. What does the American government want and what are they offering in this deal?"

Kris sighed heavily and looked as if he didn't like what he was about to say. "So far it sounds like it's all on us. They say they want to borrow some Heralds and Mages to study and try to duplicate what they can do. Then they want the Heralds and Mages to find others over there with Gifts and help train the new recruits. If we do that, then they'll help us advance our technology."

"How many Mages and Heralds do they want?" I asked.

Kris's grimace deepened. "They say as many that we can spare, but have specified forty; twenty Heralds with varying Gifts and twenty Mages of all classes. Problem is, Valdemar can't spare any Mages or that many Heralds. And Rethwellan, Hardorn, Karse, and the varying schools are refusing to send of their Mages any over. Then the other day before you came back, the Americans said should you return and are retrained, they want you on a permanent basis."

"I told them it was out of the question since you, Elspeth, and Darkwind are the only Adepts we have," Selenay stated with a look that matched her son's, "but General Ekholm, the American's main spokesman, is adamant. He says because you are an American citizen you have an obligation to serve your country."

"Yeah, use the patriotic ploy," I scoffed and shook my head. _I don't know why I'm surprised, but I am. I sorta expected to play Monkey in the Middle with the military. Greedy bastards._ "Is it so much to ask to be an innocent bystander for once? I hear Mexico's nice this time of year."

Selenay squeezed my hand again and said bracingly, "Jennifer, I'd like to know something else, off the record. How do you feel about your home country being here, from your perspective as a Herald and an American civilian? This is as much about your position as a Herald as it is personal. I can't officially listen to your views but I can _unofficially._"

I sat back and thought it over for some time. It was a tricky question to try and answer from the Herald perspective, and almost too easy as a civilian. Trouble was, my sentiments from either side of the fence were pretty similar. _Now I need to phrase them to sound like they come from two different sides. Damn, I hate having a split personality!_

I bit my lip and chose my words carefully. "As a Herald, this situation could get way too complicated way too quickly for my taste and I don't like it," I finally said. "I know I've only been back for a day and know next to nothing, but from what I was told by the CIA guys who were with Trine, America wants to use Gifts for military use and that doesn't sit right with me. There's no guarantee they can recreate the Gifts in a lab, so why so many Heralds and Mages?"

"But when Kerowyn and I interrogated the Eastern Empire Mage Rassil, he said that he and Melles saw many Adept status Mages from your world," Selenay countered. "Why not use American citizens?"

"He did, but that don't mean squat," I replied and tried to think of a comparable allusion. "It's like when Valdemar didn't have Mages after Vanyel Ashkevron died. There were those with the Mage-Gift but it got trained as something else. Same thing in the States; obviously people have it but we don't use it. And that's assuming magic works the same way over there. Besides, tapping into nodes and ley-lines, should they exist in the same fashion over there, may be impossible without the aid of Adept-class Mages. And since nobody can or is willing to spare Mages, I don't know how the Americans expect to do anything."

"I remember you saying something similar about the Heraldic Gifts as well. People in your world claim to have then but are not believed," the Queen said.

I sighed heavily and paused to think some more. "They'd pretty much have to do their tests over here or send people here to get trained, and that's gonna go over like a turd in a punch bowl."

Kris looked confused. "But you were able to be trained, so why not others?"

I shook my head. "I'm not saying more Americans couldn't be trained, but that it would be _very _difficult. I remember telling you the day I left here, Valdemar got lucky with me because I'd read the books about this place and had an open mind. Not everyone in the States is going to be the same. And should the few who are open minded enough be trainable, there's no way to tell who would handle the psychological strain. Basically, the Americans are asking too much and I don't like it."

Selenay nodded and still looked grim. "The Council agrees and has said the same thing. It's too conditional. Alright, how do you feel on a personal level?"

I scowled at the thoughts in my mind. "I don't like this. I don't like it one fuckin' bit and I can't really put my finger on why. If I had to guess, it's because I'm afraid my government is gonna try and screw Valdemar over and I won't be able to do anything but sit back and watch it happen."

"Why?" Kris asked.

"Right now, America isn't the most popular country in the world because the President and lawmakers have pulled some pretty stupid shit," I said darkly. "They've lied to the public, gone against what the people want, and seem more concerned with making themselves look good. And because of that I can't help but think anything Valdemar gives them will be put to ill use while being waved under a false banner of good intentions."

"You don't trust them, another words?" Selenay asked.

"Not as far as I could chuck 'em. And _with_ Fetching."

The Queen nodded in understanding. I could see she was mulling over what I'd said, and just like with me, it was leaving a bad taste in her mouth. "As I said before, I can't officially take your words under consideration, but I will keep them under personal advisement."

"Fine by me. I'm just glad I can't be called on to make any official decisions. I don't want to be in that position and I pity da fools who do." I laughed silently at my Mr. T. reference.

_:Are any of your personal jokes ever going to make sense to me?:_ Shayna asked.

_:Maybe someday.:_

_:Insane American.:_

_:Mr. Ed.:_

Just then a page entered to remind Selenay of another meeting she needed to attend. We said our goodbyes and Kris decided to walk me back to my rooms. We walked in silence for a time before he broached another question.

"There's another reason you don't like your home country being here, isn't there?"

"Yup."

"It's because your loyalties are split, isn't it?"

"More or less, yeah."

"Care to elaborate?"

I stopped and tentatively probed the hallway to make sure no one was coming around the corner. It was just before dinner so luckily the corridor was deserted. "This doesn't go any farther, ok? I don't want anyone else knowing because it may make things difficult for the Council. And if I'm wrong, and I sure as hell hope I am, I'd rather my view wasn't made public knowledge. The only reason I'm telling you is because you may need to watch out for this."

"Got it," he said.

_Man, it still don't sound kosher to hear him use American slang. _"I've been afraid of this happening since I first came to Valdemar. Never _once_ did I think it would be good for America and Valdemar to meet because too many things could go wrong. I don't even think it's good that _I'm _here and I'm on your side!" I said forcefully. "But the thing I'm afraid of most, is that I'll be forced to make some kind of choice between the States and Valdemar. I have a lot to loose on either side and I fear that leverage could be used against me."

"My mother and the Heralds would never make you choose a side, Jennifer! You know that!" Kris exclaimed.

_:How can you think we would do something like that?!: _Shay echoed.

"I know Valdemar wouldn't," I reassured him and Shay, "but I think America _would._ I don't know in what context or if they even would; for all I know they really do mean to play nice. But I just got a gut feeling, ya know?"

Kris rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. "You're right, let's hope you're wrong and that doesn't happen."


	6. This Is Why I Hate Court

_**Disclaimer:**_ I blame this story on Mercedes Lackey. If she hadn't come up with a world that was so freakin' cool then I never would've started writing this. So Valdemar and everything in it belongs to her, everything else (the not so good stuff) is unfortunately mine.

**A/N:**Wow, it's been what, nearly a month since I last posted. Doesn't seem like it was that long. :( But, since I'm now done with all school related things (papers, studying for finals, the tests themselves) until August, I'm hoping to make fairly steady progress for the rest of the summer. But before I let you guys continue, I feel I need to clear something up first.

Even though my _Reality Check_ stories are supposed to be contemporary, they are not supposed to reflect current events. I'm sure there were plenty of people who took some sort of offense to some things said in the last chapter and I apologize. I may not be happy with the way my government is running things in D.C. (I am an American), but I'm not trying to express my political ideas through the story. Jenn's comment in the last chapter about the president and lawmakers doing things only to make themselves look good, I honestly feel can apply to nearly every person we've had in office since George Washington. For the sake of the story and the fact she has to be neutral in the political going-ons, I gave Jenn my overall dislike of politicians: Republicans, Democrats, Valdamarans, you name it. Besides, she only got one side of the story last time, and now she gets to hear the flip. So I'm not trying to make any sort of political statement or paint things in black and white. Life isn't black and white so neither is this, as I hope you'll see.

If anyone has any problems with what I'm doing by all means let me know. I'd love to have more criticism, constructive and not. Okay, I'll shut up now and let you guys read!

_Ch. 6: This Is Why I Hate Court_

I'd been back in Valdemar for three weeks and was having the strangest case of _déjà vu._ Most everything felt the same: my re-training exercises, being mentally, if not physically, exhausted afterwards, and not really having time to myself. It was all startling familiar. But that was okay; it was nice to have things be familiar and not have to wonder why.

What I found really nice was that after the first morning, I'd wake up feeling better than I had since I left. I was even finding myself looking forward to mornings. That prompted everyone to ask me if I was sick or something since I'd never liked mornings before. But everyday I was one step closer to being stable, and that was _certainly_ worth getting up and excited about. And I must say it was absolute bliss to wake up with Tashir's arms around me!

The downside: General Ekholm, who was the American spokesman, wanted to play politics with me. At least I assumed he did. The day after I'd meet with the Circle about my re-training I received a message from him saying he wanted to meet with me. It didn't say, or allude to that I could tell, anything else, but it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what he wanted. I replied with the truth: I was going to be busy for a while because of my re-training and I didn't think I could squeeze him in. That excuse wouldn't last forever, but it did allow me to brush the General off for some time.

"From what I've been hearing from Trine and others, General Ekholm is starting to get upset you won't speak with him," Nia told me one day at lunch. We were in her and Trine's suite as it was too freaking hot to go outside and was much cooler indoors.

I shrugged and bit into an apple. "Too bad. I've honestly been too busy and tired to deal with him. Besides, I have a pretty good idea what he wants and I can't give it to him."

"You think he wants you to talk the Queen and Council into the American's request?"

"Yup, and I'm sure he's been told I can't do that. But as I'm a prime example, we Americans are stubborn as all hell and rarely listen."

"As true as that may be, _you're_ probably going to have to tell him that yourself, you know." Nia pointed an accusing finger at me from her place on the couch, balancing a plate on her enormous belly.

"Which will probably be tonight since I promised Tashir I'd show up at Court," I shrugged again. "But I don't want to talk about me anymore. This is the second time I've seen you in three weeks and want to hear about you. First, since when have you and Trine been an item?" I asked from my place on the floor.

She smiled sweetly at the memory. "Not too long after you left. Trine said he realized then life was too short. He didn't want to die while on circuit and not tell me he loved me."

I raised a surprised eyebrow. "And this is coming from the guy who's so optimistic the sun nearly shines out his butt? Wow. Yet obviously you had some feelings too since you're now married to the poor bastard."

"I'd fancied him since we were littles," she giggled. "He was the only boy who didn't think I was weak because I was small for my age, and that's why we became close friends. Then when Trine said he'd been in love with me for just as long, I've never been so happy!" Nia had to wipe her eyes as she'd started to tear up.

_Ever the hopeless romantic, _I thought and laughed out loud. "When was the wedding?"

"Last autumn back home. We also had a smaller celebration here, but the actual hand-fasting was with our families," she answered with another happy smile.

"Man, you guys really didn't waste time, did ya?" I pointed out with a significant look and mischievous grin at her stomach, and then sobered. "I wish I could've been there."

"But you'll be here for the birth and we're thrilled about that," she reassured me. "You had no idea about us anyway."

"Hey, speakin' of the little ankle-bitter, do you know what the sex is or can you guys tell that here?" I asked curiously.

Nia shook her head and grinned. "No, but I don't care if it's a boy or a girl. I've always wanted littles so I'm just happy to be pregnant." She patter her belly fondly. The baby then gave a strong, visible kick, causing Nia to grunt in surprise and discomfort.

We looked at her stomach, then at each other, and collapsed into laughter. In a sense it wasn't really that funny, but unexpected enough to be humorous.

"Hey Mom, I don't think junior likes being patted on the head," I said, still laughing. The baby kicked again.

"And I don't think B.B. appreciates being called "junior" or "ankle-bitter"," Nia came to her offspring's defense.

"B.B.?"

"It was Trine's idea," she explained and rolled her eyes. "For 'Baby Bump'."

I started to snicker. "The kid's name is Baby Bump?"

"We can't agree on a name. I like Jessim for a boy and Anni for a girl, but Trine prefers Branden or Nikole. And neither of us like any other names, so for right now we're compromising," Nia said.

"That's an easy problem to solve. Pick one that's gender neutral or name it after one of your parents," I offered.

She seemed to like the idea as she mulled it over and gave a noncommittal reply. "We agreed some time ago we didn't want to name it after our parents, but the other idea is a possibility. We have some time yet, however."

_:And speaking of time, you have your Firestarting lesson with Dirk in a few minutes.: _Shayna reminded me.

"Bugger. I don't wanna go outside," I said standing.

"Shayna's telling you it's time to go?"

_:And you should leave soon.:_

"Yeah," I said grudgingly. "But on the up side, Dirk used to let me pour the bucket of water on myself to cool off if we didn't use it, so maybe today I'll get lucky!"

Nia laughed at me and slowly heaved herself off the couch. "Just don't burn anything you're not supposed to this time."

I cringed as we walked out the door and down the hall. My lessons were being staggered on a three-day cycle: Firestarting and Fetching one day, Mage and Projective Empathy the next, then a day off to rest. And interspersed between those lessons I was reviewing history, religion, and law since Selenay had every intention of using me while I was there. Plus, I had weapons practice and was spending about two hours with Shay everyday. During my last lesson with Dirk, I'd accidentally set a small nearby bush on fire, along with the small piece of tinder I was trying to ignite.

"You heard about that?"

"Jenn, I'm fairly certain everyone did."

"Oh, that is so not good for my ego," I muttered. We said goodbye, going our separate ways, and I headed outside into the blazing heat and found Dirk under a large tree next to the well. But he wasn't alone. Griffon, who was also a Firestarter, was there, as well as about ten buckets of water.

I groaned when I reached them. "Don't tell me…"

Both the older men laughed, though Dirk recovered first. "After the other day, I'm not taking any chances," he said grinning. "Alright, Jennifer, let's see you _not_ ignite the tree!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I dragged myself up the stairs to my room after cleaning myself off from weapons practice. Kerowyn had retired finally the year before, leaving me at the mercy of Jeri and her new assistant. And mercy it was, though she was starting to go full force of me. I was at least thankful I was working with her and not Kero; she wouldn't have shown me any compassion and said the bruises were good for me. Jeri at least took things a little slower.

I was exhausted, sore, and more bone weary then I could remember. I saw the line of stairs end abruptly and breathed a sigh of relief. _Almost there. Then I can collapse into a worthless lump of meat. Oy, I'm tired._

Upon entering my rooms, I headed straight to the trunk holding my other clothes, pulling out a pair of jean shorts and a blue tank-top. I changed quickly and immediately felt much cooler and thankful I'd brought much of my summer wardrobe with me.

I re-entered the living room and spied a small stack of letters waiting for me on the desk. I made a face when I saw the top one was anther message from Ekholm, but figured I should read it as I'd thrown out most of the others unopened. With a feeling of resentment, I picked up the stack, made my way to the window seat, and began to read.

_Same as the first two. He'd like to meet me and talk to me about some things. Yada, yada, yada. But I don't wanna meet you because I hate politicians._ Then, when I reached the final sentence, I couldn't help smiling appreciatively and feeling like I'd finally been caught. It read, _"I've done some asking and was told you had plans of finally attending Court tonight, so I shall expect to see you there and occupy some of your time."_

I laughed. "Guy's done some homework."

_:Can you really blame him? You haven't given him much choice.:_

"AH!" I started and accidentally ripped the letter. Things may have been feeling familiar and all after three weeks, but, as before, Hearing Shay and others in my head was taking more getting used to.

_:Oh, get over yourself. Honestly, Chosen.: _Shay chided me irritably.

"The voices in the head are snippy this afternoon, I see," I shot back with enough humor in my voice to let her know I was teasing.

_:If you don't talk to him tonight at Court, I won't talk to you for a week. You need to stop hiding from him; liaising with politicians is part of a Herald's duties whether you like it or not.:_ She ignored my comment.

"Yeah, I know. Doesn't mean I can't complain though," I said and made a face.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

I showed up during Tashir's set, a couple hours after Court had started. I figured that would be a good time since everyone's attention would be on him instead of looking for people who were so far M.I.A.. Tashir was the one who loved attention, not me; I prefer to be left to my own devices. That's one of the numerous reasons I hate going to Court.

My palms began to feel clammy the minute I stepped into the room and tried to look inconspicuous amongst the sea of rich multicolored gowns and robes. My plan was to stay in the back and look for someone I knew. Then, when Tashir finished the song and everyone applauded, I'd side up to them and try not to feel like I was being hunted.

I found a spot in the crowd that gave me a decent viewing area and scanned the people, looking for a familiar face. It was harder than I thought seeing as everyone's features seemed to bleed together as much as their clothing did. After a while I gave up, deciding I might as well listen to the song. That was mostly what I was there for anyway.

The next few minutes were spent by allowing the song Tashir sang to weave me in a blanket of vivid images and overwhelming emotion, with skill becoming of a Court Bard. He'd refused to play for me since I returned, claiming I had to come to Court and until then I was out of luck. Now I knew why. I had no idea if he'd been holding back when he'd played for me before, but with that song Tashir was virtually unrecognizable. A true sign he deserved his new position.

The Court stood in rapt silence after the last notes of the song had drifted away before giving him a rousing applause. I joined in, wanting desperately to start hollering and whistling like I was at a concert but knew it would be inappropriate. Besides, didn't I not want to draw attention to myself?

I must have entered just before the intermission because Tashir didn't start another song, instead getting up and taking a bow before leaving to mingle with the crowd. I took the opportunity to continue my search for someone I actually wanted to talk to. There were plenty of people I knew, but none I really gave a hoot about. Though soon I was interrupted with by a tap on the shoulder.

I turned and grinned when I saw the crystal blue eyes and dark, lined face of Darkwind. "I see you decided to climb out of your dark hole of studying to socialize tonight," he said with a grin to match mine.

"I figured if I didn't show up I'd hear about it later and I don't particularly want to be yelled at," I told him.

He nodded knowingly. "Yes, I get the impression General Ekholm can be a bit intimidating when he wishes."

I snorted with disgust. "The General can kiss my ass and I haven't even met the guy. I was referring to Tashir. I haven't heard him play since I came back and promised him I come. But it does allow me to get Ekholm off my back and leave me alone."

Darkwind's eyes caught something over my shoulder and he smiled ruefully. "Lucky for you, your opportunity has just presented itself."

"Master Darkwind, there you are. I was wondering if you'd happened to see my rather allusive fellow American by any chance?" I heard a deep but jovial American accent sound behind me. I cringed.

"As a matter of fact, I happen to have her right here," D.W. smiled to the General and spun me around, giving me my first look at the man. Ekholm was a tall, stately man with grey hair tinged with black. His dark eyes seemed to show all his emotions as the skin around them was heavily lined with laugh and frown lines. I thought he looked like the kind of grandfather that was kind when he needed to be, but you never wanted to cross.

I shook Ekholm's hand and wondered exactly how I wanted to play this game. I wanted to make it clear my hands were tied, but I didn't want him to have the upper hand in the conversation either. I'd be trying to walk a fine line. Hopefully I could pull it off, too.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Miss Keller," the General said kindly. "You have quite the reputation around here."

I opened my mouth to retort when Darkwind butted it. "Well, I believe I'll leave you two alone to speak as I doubt there is anything I could add to your discussion." _:And you, behave yourself. You are representing Valdemar so be careful of what you say.:_ Darkwind Mindsent to me as I watched his retreating back.

_:I hate you sometimes.: _I shot back.

"Would you mind if we found somewhere a little more private to speak, Miss Keller? Or should I call you Herald-Mage Jennifer?" Ekholm asked as he took my elbow and led me to a corner where we would stand less of a chance of being disturbed. His grip was firm and silently showed me this was a man not to be triffled with.

"Jennifer is fine," I answered him when we reached the corner he'd steered me to. "I've never really been comfortable being called Herald."

"Very well, then. Jennifer, let me get straight to the point," Ekholm said curtly. "The President and Secretary of Defense both feel the negotiations are taking too long and I have not been able to make any headway with the Council, mostly I believe because of Lord Alastor. From the moment the treaty negotiations began I believe he's done everything he could to turn the Council's opinion against us." Ekholm's voice showed he was clearly frustrated.

"Yeah, Alastor tends to do that," I said knowingly. "The guy just doesn't like Americans for whatever reason. The first time I met him was at my official introduction to the Court, and he turned it into a re-enactment of the Spanish Inquisition. But unfortunately whatever you try and do, he's going to try and thwart, so get used to it."

The General looked disturbed. "Why do you think he dislikes Americans? We've tried to be nothing but courteous, and you're a Herald, so there's no reason to distrust us."

I shrugged. "Honestly, I couldn't tell ya. Granted, our first encounter could have gone a lot better, but I'd hate to think his prejudice against Americans is solely because of me. But as it is I've only had to deal with the man a small handful of times, otherwise I stay out of his way. But it's not just Alastor. There are plenty of courtiers who have never liked me and thought I was up to no good, regardless of the fact I've been Chosen. So if you're lookin' for some kind of leverage from me to help move things along, it's not gonna happen." I leaned back against the stone wall and crossed my arms, hoping I looked as disinterested as I felt.

"Yes, Jennifer, I understand that. But from what I've gathered you are rather close to the crown, and if you could possibly drop a few words in our favor..." the General started but I cut him off.

"Look, I'm sure you've been told this already but have chosen to ignore it, so I'll tell you again," I all but spat at him. I knew I'd pegged the man before we'd even met but it still made me angry he had the nerve to try and pull this. "I _cannot _take a side in this. Because I'm an American and a Herald, I have to remain neutral and stay the hell out of any decisions made. I _cannot_ do anything. Even if I could take a side, I don't know if I'd do anything for America because I don't know what the hell you people are planning!" I could feel my temper rising and tried to put a cap on it.

The frown lines around Ekholm's eyes creased in distaste. I was making him mad, but I didn't care. "As an American citizen you have a duty to server your country..."

I cut him off again. "Do not play the patriotism card because it is not gonna work. From what I understand the American military and government is concerned only with learning all they can from Valdemar about magic and the Heraldic Gifts and giving nothing in return. The government is putting all of the pressure on these fine people," I waved my arm to indicate the throng of people in the room, "and shouldering none of it thenselves. Why? What does Valdemar get out of the deal and what would America even do with information on magic anyway?"

General Ekholm leveled me with a glare that could would probably freeze fire. He was really getting pissed off. Tough shit. "I do not have to answer to you. If you have no say in the negotiations as you claim then I see no reason why you should know."

"Oh, I have every right to know what my birth country's up to," I told him flatly. "If not as a citizen, then I reserve the right as one of the three Adept-class Herald-Mages in Valdemar's service and as the person America wants on a permanent basis. So I'll ask again, what does America want with the abilities I now posses?"

Ekholm didn't answer. Instead he started at me for some time, as if trying to get me to silently back down. I didn't. Instead, I stated right back at him, not blinking. I wasn't gonna play his game. If he thought staring me down was going to frighten me, he had another thing coming. Finally, he sighed and blinked and I had to fight back a smile. _Ha, I win. Just like you never fight a land war in Asia, never get into a battle of wills with me, buddy, because you will loose.  
_

"America wants information on magic and Gifts for purely benign reasons. Half of them lay within the realm of medical and psychological science, the others environmental and, yes, military use." Ekholm's voice was cold and stern, but steady. "We were intrigued when we heard how you acquired your Gifts. You had none when you first were tested, but then they appeared later. We'd like to know where in the brain these Gifts are located and if they can be awakened in others. Also, it is quite possible you and your fellow Heralds posses higher brain functions because of this and our doctors would like to test this hypothesis."

I nodded, actually surprised I received a decent answer. "Better understanding of how the brain functions. That would definitely be a boost for neuroscience. Okay, I'll give you that. What else?"

"A few of the military psychologists in the know also believe understanding of your Gifts could lead to advances in treating the mentally ill," Ekholm continued. "One of the most common Gifts is Mindspeech, correct? One you possess yourself and have an issue with."

I laughed a little. "I think I see where you're goin' with this one."

General Ekholm smiled some and his tone became less severe. "What if someone who's currently being treated for a mental illness is in fact perfectly fine, but simply has an untrained Gift? The symptoms for schizophrenia, for example, usually first appear in a person's early adolescence or adulthood. Most Heralds develop Gifts around this same age. The same thing can apply to other mental illnesses. If we can better understand how your Gifts work, then that knowledge could be applied to treating others and improve mental care."

"Which could possibly lead to less pill popping and give those people more lucid moments, or just fix them altogether," I said with yet another smile. _Huh, I'm impressed. The guy's actually talking sense and making a good argument._

"Exactly," Ekholm said, obviously pleased he was making progress with me. "That's for the Gifts overall. Information on the Mage Gift and how it's used is more valuable. Obviously, those of you with the Gift are valuable weapons for Valdemar, as I understand you demonstrated quite deftly against the Eastern Empire some years back," he said respectfully.

"Rest assured those higher up than I in the armed forces greatly approve of the way Valdemar and her allies have used their Mages, and if America is able to waken and train the Gift for her own use, those Mages would be used in much the same capacity. You may be human weapons, but you are still human and should be used only for defense," he finished.

I thought that over. While I didn't like it, he spoke nothing but the truth. As a Mage I was a soldier and a weapon to be used when I was needed. My big problem was that Valdemar didn't try and stick their nose into every single problem like America did. But there were all kinds of reasons for America's actions and I didn't want to get into a bigger debate, so I let it go. "You said there was an environmental aspect, too. How so?" I asked.

Ekholm's face went grim. "Unfortunately the most difficult possibility, but a possibility nonetheless. Some Master and Adept Mages can use things called ley-lines and nodes, correct?" I nodded. "And we were told they are rivers and pools of pure energy, yes?" Again, I nodded, but I had a feeling I wouldn't like what he was getting at. "Some have theorized that if we were to understand how the Mage Gift works in those Adepts and Masters who can utilize the nodes and ley-lines, then something could be built to harness that energy as a source of alternative energy."

"Wait, you mean use Mage energy as you would solar, wind, and hydraulic power?" I asked, stunned.

"If the theory could be made reality, then yes," Ekholm said calmly.

"_Bad_ idea. Noble, but bad," I said, shaking my head. "Ask Darkwind or Elspeth sometime about Ancar and what he did to Hardon. They saw first hand what happened to the land when he did something similar to what you're suggesting and they'll tell you to where to shove that idea." If Ancar could damn near drain his country dry of all life in the ten years he was on the throne, and all by his lonesome, I could only imagine what a machine or a bunch of Mages draining the nodes and ley-lines for energy would do to the land. I understood the reasoning behind it, but it wouldn't work and America would _never_ get anyone from Valdemar or the other countries to work with them on something like that.

"But you do approve of the other objectives America has?" the General asked me.

"So long as Valdemar gets things of equal value in return, which you still haven't told me."

He looked a little nervous at that, almost like he'd hoped I'd forgotten about the supposed reciprocal exchange. Either that or he knew the offer wasn't coming yet or was less than adequate. "Things still have to be finalized by the President," Ekholm said slowly. "Right now the plan is to share medical and technological knowledge and to cut some kind of a trade deal, but there are some disagreements as to what exactly should be shared. The President wants the deal to be as equal as possible, and doesn't want to promise too much in case nothing comes of studying the Gifts."

"Does the council know?" I asked him. I felt like I was scolding a little kid for something.

"Tomorrow at the Council meeting I'll tell them."

"Then I suggest you people iron things out then 'cause otherwise nothin's gonna happen," I told him sternly and walked off.

I was about halfway across the room when I began to seethe. If America wanted to study and use the Gifts like the General had just told me they did, then why the hell were they dragging their feet? And even though I told him my hands were tied in the matter and couldn't be involved, why did I still have the gut feeling he wanted me to support the Americans? Was it supposed to be a patriotic thing or what? Ekholm was trying to put me in the middle even more than I felt and I didn't appreciate it one bit.

I made my way to one of the side tables that held empty goblets and bottles of wine, and poured myself a generous amount. I made a slight face as the acidic liquid made its way down my throat. I stood there by myself for some time as I continued to go over the conversation in my head. There were parts I really liked and others I wasn't so fond of, but overall there wasn't anything America wanted to do that could really offend anyone over here. Sure, Heralds and Mages were wanted to be used as lab-rats for a while, but it wasn't like they would be dissected or anything.

"Jennifer, are you drinking?" I heard Tashir ask from beside me. I hadn't heard him walk up and I jumped. Tashir wore a curious expression, like he wasn't sure if he believed what he saw or not.

I laughed as I looked at the goblet, which was half empty. "Yup, unfortunately I am."

"But you don't drink."

"I do tonight," but put the cup down on the table. I put my arms around his neck and watched as a sly grin spread across his face. "I have a small bone to pick with you. How come I've never heard anything so spine-tingling beautiful out of you before tonight? If I hadn't known that was you playing I'd have sworn it was someone else."

His grin widened. "I only play my very best for those who deserve it," he said and gave me a swift kiss.

I raised an eyebrow and couldn't help but smile. "Those who come to Court you mean."

"Is some personal discomfort not worth such a fine reward at the end of an evening? And perhaps I have been saving some pieces for an evening I knew you would be in attendance."

"Okay, now you're starting to pander."

"Someone of my talent never panders, for there is no need. I know whatever I preform you'll love because I am so talented," he explained simply. "Nor would I ever dream of trying to flatter you for it would do nothing. I tell nothing but the truth."

"Egotistical ass."

Tashir placed a gentle finger on my lips and rested his head against mine. "Careful what you say, my Dragon Heart. You may force me to drag you away and miss the rest of my performance. Or would you desire a performance of another kind?" I felt my cheeks start to burn as he pulled away slowly, catching one of my hands and placed a lingering kiss on the back, then turned and made his way back to the performing area to start the next set.

I moved away from the wine table but stayed near the back, letting myself get lost in his music one more. _Yeah, I have to say he's right. Some personal discomfort was worth the reward tonight. _


	7. Faceoff 2

_**Disclaimer:**_ The only parts of this I thought up were the characters you've never heard of before. I'm not sure if I'll take responsibility for the plot, but pass it off to my evil twin. Otherwise Mercedes Lackey is the one making money off everything else. I'm not.

**A/N:** Hello again everyone! I'm sorry this chapter was long in coming but it's here now. Writers' block sucks. Anyway, all errors should be fixed but let me know if you catch any. Enjoy! _  
_

_Ch. 7: Face-off #2_

Two weeks later the deal was done. America and Valdemar had come to a preliminary trade agreement that seemed to make everyone happy. It wasn't perfect by any means, but what deal ever is?

On Valdemar's end the treaty sounded like something out of the European exploration age. Valdemar would immediately begin receiving trade items, such as farm equipment (re-fabricated things from the turn of the 20th century like corn planters, blueprints for horse-drawn plows and such); spices; cloth; and some food items, such as oranges and other tropical fruits, and chocolate. Valdemar would also be loaned a few military engineers to work with the palace artificers to engineer a telegraph system to augment the message towers and possibly rig parts of the palace with electric lighting to be powered by a hydraulic system.

America, in return, would get what they wanted in borrowing a few artificers and Heralds to study their work and Gifts. The President had eventually given up his request that the Heralds go to the States all at once and agreed to host two or three at a time. And since the Mage Collegium had more Journeymen-class Mages than any others, three volunteers were the first to go. The artificers (again volunteers) that had been sent over were to teach the American military how to manufacture a few of the things the Americans described as "ingenious", including the cannons used in the war with the Eastern Empire which hadn't required gun powder.

But as usual, I had a rather dower outlook on the whole thing. For me, pessimism had always worked best because then things couldn't get worse, only better. I was stoked America was so far playing nice and everything, but I couldn't get the nagging thoughts of doom to go away. And I wasn't the only one thinking along that line too, as it turned out.

Lord Alastor seemed to share my misgivings. As I'd told General Ekholm, Alastor had never taken a liking to me and remained one of the few people in the country who maintained the notion I was up to no good. So of course he was prejudiced against Americans. And since he had a seat on the council, he had more influence. Thankfully, not enough to prevent the treaty from being signed as he'd apparently hoped. From what Kris had told me, Alastor had been trying to convince Selenay not to sign the treaty in fear of being invaded by American forces. But Selenay ignored him and signed anyway. She had faith all would be well and acted on it.

And so far it was. A week after the treaty was signed by Selenay, the first shipment of items for Valdemar came through the Gate and the first few Heralds, Mages, and Artificers were sent over. And the next morning, I reaffirmed many thoughts I was crazy by freaking out over breakfast. I had just sat down with Kris and Lyra (she was back from Circuit duty for a couple days) when I noticed a familiar smell issuing from a clay jug to my right. My squeal of "Orange Juice!!!!" caused everyone in the common room to pause and look at me. Not one of my most embarrassing moments, but pretty close.

After breakfast Lyra and I decided to go for a walk and get some of the necessary girl gossip out of the way and catch up. The couple of letters we'd exchanged since my return would have weighed five pounds or more if we'd said everything we wanted. So there we were in the gardens, just minding our own business and getting into each others, when we were interrupted by a most unwelcome source.

"And he just picked you up and took you to bed?!" Lyra exclaimed. I'd been telling her all about the week predating my return and had just finished telling her about my reunion with Tashir. "Well, he certainly didn't waste any time, now did he!"

"Nope, and I sure as hell wasn't complaining," I said with a grin.

Lyra stuck out her tongue. "I'm so jealous of you. I wish I had someone here to sweep me off my feet when I come home. I don't suppose you'd share?" she asked slyly with a touch of hope.

"Hell no!" I laughed. "You can find your own Bard to sing you love songs and recite sonnets. You're the Princess, like you really need help finding options. Wait, I retract that. _Decent_ options and someone you can put up with since your standards are higher than mine."

"Well I'm royalty and you're a commoner, so of course mine are higher. It's part of being well breed," she said loftily and smirked.

_:Tell Lyra I think she deserves a good push in the mud.:_ Shayna told me, her voice colored with humor.

"Shayna thinks you're full of shit."

_:I didn't say that.:_

:_You as good as did.:_

"Jaxson agrees with her," Lyra laughed, referring to her Companion.

"Ah, ladies, a pleasant morning to you both," a male voice said as the Princess and I rounded one of the hedges. Right in front of us was Lord Alastor. He bowed slightly and smiled to Lyra, but his gaze hardened and the smile faded when he saw me. I glared right back. "Lady Lyra," he started conversationally, "I trust your latest circuit was unhampered by unfortunate events?"

She nodded and went directly into formal mode. "A pleasant morning to you as well, my Lord. Yes, thankfully there was no unforeseen activity up north and crop conditions are good."

"Wonderful to hear. And Herald Jennifer, I trust you are coming along well in your...retraining?" Alastor all but sneered.

_Give me half a reason asshole and I'll have no reservations about kicking your ass._ "I've been told I'm coming along much quicker than expected. The Queen's Own and Herald Dirk both believe my control is nearly back and Lady Elspeth and Master Darkwind both wager I'll need until Midwinter before they'll turn me loose," I stated simply.

Alastor smirked. "And when you are complete with their tutelage, what then of your duties?"

"That remains to be seen," I shrugged. _:Any idea what he's getting at?:_ I asked Shay.

_:I'd say he's looking for an argument will you, but I can't fathom why.: _The fact Shay sounded slightly concerned made me feel uneasy.

"Forgive me ladies, but Herald Jennifer, I have a few questions which unfortunately only you can answer. May I monopolize a few minutes of your time?" Alastor asked smoothly, yet I could hear the underlying tone of dislike. I had a bad feeling about this.

"Certainly," I answered. I said goodbye to Lyra with the promise of continuing the conversation later.

_:Don't let Alastor bully you, alright?: _the Princess Mindspoke to me.

_:Since when do I let people here push me around? Do I now have "doormat" tattooed on my forehead or somethin'_?: I tried not to smile at the coughing fit I heard behind me.

Alastor and I walked in silence for a few moments before he started the questioning. I figured I'd get another interrogation, so I readied myself for him. "I trust you're finding it pleasant to have a few of your home world's creature comforts arriving. It must make you feel more relaxed and less of an interloper," he said coolly, eyes front.

_Interloper? The hell's that supposed to mean? _I had to gather my thoughts before I responded. "I admit finding orange juice at breakfast was a pleasant surprise, but I wouldn't say I feel any different about it. To be honest it doesn't make any difference to me. I've done without things from home before so there's no reason why I can't do it again."

"And what of the rest of Valdemar? Do you think this country's true citizens will be as excited to have so many foreign items suddenly appear?" Alastor said.

I shrugged. "It's up to them. People were scared of me at first, not that I could blame them, but they all firmly believe the Companions never Choose wrong and take Shayna's presence as a sign that I'm not a threat. I figure the same with the trade items. The public will be understandably hesitant at first, but will make their own judgments. It's not my place to make a call one way or the other."

"You sound rather certain," Alastor replied condescendingly.

"Hesitation is a natural response. It's instinct," I said with a hint of irritation. "Everything new is subject to it because no one knows if it's going to help or harm. But the first few daring enough to try something will pass their judgment and word will eventually spread. We'll just have to wait and see what the common consensus is."

He stopped suddenly and turned to face me, locking me in his sight. "And what of your home country? Is it friend or foe? General Ekholm claims to only want our Heralds for research to advance your home's medical treatments, but what then? How can we be certain they will not use the very information we give then to come here and invade? How can Valdemar be sure you have not been sent here in attempt to win the country over to your side in preparation of a take-over?"

I stared right back trying to look unfazed by him. I remembered when I was being interrogated by Alastor for the first time he'd tried that same tactic without success. I didn't let him get to me then, and while we were much closer in proximity than before, I still wouldn't let him know I was mildly intimidated.

"Unfortunately, you don't know America won't invade and neither do I, but I can tell you I was not originally sent here by America. I won't go into details since it's personal, but there was no American involvement. And yes, the Queen knows the details, but if she didn't tell the Council then I won't either," I said harshly. "But if the United States of America wanted to invade Valdemar right now, they would have no problem. All it would take would be a few hundred ground troops with some tanks or humvees and Valdemar could be taken with in two weeks. I not even sure if there would be anything I could do to stop it either because I've never put myself in front of a machine gun before.

"Now if the President and American military has other plans than what has already been divulged, I haven't a clue what they could be. Over there I'm a civilian, a nobody, and depending on who you ask they may say I have no right to know any of the government's plans. I have no idea what the future holds for Valdemar and America and I'm just as scared of the possibilities as the next person because I have loyalties on both sides."

"So you do admit to supporting the actions of your home government!" Alastor spat.

"I didn't say that so don't start putting words in my mouth," I told him. "I just said I have loyalties. That means friends and the few family members who I still talk to, plus the little fact that America is where I was born and raised, so of course I'm going to feel loyal. What it _doesn't _mean is I support what they're doing! I don't like America being here either but there's nothing I can do about it except wait for things to take their course."

The lord sneered again, no longer even attempting to hide the contempt in his words. "And what course might that be? You spent six years here positioning yourself rather well, playing an innocent victim to gain the trust of the Queen and Consort, then becoming a Mage to receiving training from the former heir, all the while slowly seducing Prince Kris and making sure he became so infatuated with you that you could use him for whatever purpose you wished. You may be a common civilian, but from where I stand if America were to call for an alliance marriage you would be the perfect puppet for the American government to marry off and control, to slowly eat away at everything Valdemar has worked so hard to establish."

Shayna vocalized exactly what I was beginning to think. _:Great Havens! Jennifer, he's serious! Alastor honestly believes this is what America intends to do!:_

_:Okay, I knew the smarmy bastard hated me for some reason but I had no idea he'd taken it this far! This is so beyond insanity I don't even know what to call it!:_ I responded to her.

It was one of the most absurd things I'd ever heard, and that was saying quite a bit considering. I'd been warned by Trine when he came to bring me back, and again by nearly everyone else I'd talked to since, that there were still rumors flying around regarding my true intentions for being in Valdemar. The fact I'd been originally brought over by Melles had never been made public, so it still allowed for people to come up with their own conclusions. It looked like I was looking at the origin of one of the rumors plaguing me from day one.

"If that's what you want to think, then go ahead and think it," I hissed back. "I've tried in vain to get certain facts about me straightened out and I can see now why that is. If my actions over the years haven't convinced you that I'm no more a threat than any other Herald, then I won't waste my breath. I don't have to explain myself to you. But I have a duty to this country as a Herald and if you can't take that at face value, then Valdemar's got bigger problems than me and my home country. Kinda sounds like you've been taking notes from Orthallen's book."

Alastor smiled viciously. "Shifting the blame is normally the sign of a guilty conscious. You may think you have not incriminated yourself, but you have said more than enough. In time all things come to the surface and when the truth of your plan comes forward, I will be waiting to see your rather long fall from grace." With that, he turned on his heel with a swirl of his gray and black robes and stalked back to the Palace.

I remained rooted to the spot on the garden pathway we'd been following, not sure what to think or do. Alastor was so convinced he was right. If I was from another country in Velgarth then his claim possibly could have had merit. But then again, because I was from another world entirely, some might say it made Alastor's accusation just a plausible. But it was bat-shit insane!! As I watched Alastor's retreating form, I stifled the urge to throw levinbolts at the asshole's feet and watch him dance back to the building.

_:If you wanted to do it, I'd vouch for you and say Alastor was lying.: _Shayna said acidly. _:I can't believe what he said to you.:_

I silently played with my necklace for a few moments. "Problem is, I can. It's actually a decent plan, if I was as devious as he claims. Lucky for everyone, I'm not that evil and don't really plan ahead, much less ten-plus years." I bit my lip. Alastor was going to be trouble, but it'd be hard to know how much. And as usual, all I could do was hope my past and future actions would speak louder than whatever bullshit he decided to spew. "Shayna, this sucks."

_:I have to agree.:_ I heard her hooves chime softly on the stone walkway behind me and nudged my shoulder. _:Come, why don't we try a run on the obstacle course. That way you won't have time to brood over anything _he_ said.: _

I turned and cast a critical eye on her. Shayna had been putting on weight nicely and while still looked a little thin, the more strenuous exercise might actually be good for her. "We're not running the whole thing. You're still thinner than I'd prefer, but then again the last thing I want is a fat and lazy voice in my head."

She tilted her head a little to the side. _:Fat and lazy, hmm? We'll see who's fat and lazy if you eat any of the chocolate you've been so excited about. And at least I keep my thoughts to myself and not talk to the air around me. That's the first sign of madness, you know.:_

_------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- _

Later that afternoon I told Lyra and Kris what Alastor had said. Lyra was shocked he'd come out and say what he did, but Kris wasn't. We were in the Queen's Garden, just hanging out until dinner. Kris way laying down, as was normal. I was sitting on the rim of a fountain playing in the water, and Lyra was sitting next to her brother.

"When the Americans first showed up he started spouting off about how it was the prelude to an invasion. And when the Council started talking about trying to find you and bring you back, Alastor said basically the same thing he told you. And because there's nothing to back his claim up with he's just been a thorn in the Council's side," Kris sighed.

"Yes, but this is Alastor we're talking about," Lyra insisted. "Growing up he never presented himself as anything less than a gentleman. Stubborn as a mule, yes, but he never would have leveled those kind of accusations against anyone without due cause! Besides, he has had many family members in the past who've been Chosen or worked for Valdemar's service. This is completely out of character for him."

Kris gave his sister a pitiful look. "Sis, sometimes I truly envy you for not being Chosen first. You haven't had to put up with all the political maneuvering that goes on sometimes. I've noticed more and more for the last ten years Alastor is getting paranoid, seeing threats in benign gestures. He's loosing it."

"Then why won't Mother or Father suggest he step down from the Council?" she shot back.

"Because he's still useful," Kris replied and sat up on his elbows. "Look, I don't know for certain if Alastor is going senile. I'm not a Healer and never wanted to be. But what he said to Jennifer today is baseless and if he continues on like this, mark my words, something bad will happen."

"My sentiments exactly," I said lazily.

Lyra then rounded on me. "And I'm rather surprised by you, Jenn. Were it anyone else you would have yelled and used every foul word you know to tell them off, and yet you did nothing of the sort! Alastor deserved it!"

Kris raised an eyebrow. "She has a point. That's unlike you."

I continued to slowly run my fingers through the water. "I figure right now it isn't a good time for me to go around shooting my mouth and pissing off the people the Americans have to work with," I replied. "It would only make for more bad vibes and then everyone really _will_ look at me with suspicion."

Kris sat up fully. "Bloody hell, are you actually showing restraint?"

I wrinkled my nose at him. "Yes, I am perfectly capable of exercising self restraint, though my preferred method of diplomacy _is_ a verbal bitch slapping. As much as I would have liked to, I knew it wasn't a good idea to rip Alastor a new asshole." I paused. "Though on second thought, a second one may do him some good. The reason he's so full of shit is because his head is shoved so far up his first one that he can't crap!"

"That's more like it!" he cried. Kris looked as if he was going to say something else when his face went blank; Jaysdin was talking to him. He looked a little confused when their silent conversation ended. "Jenn, you're wanted at the Gate terminus. The operators say they have some things for you."

"Were more things supposed to come through today? I thought we got everything yesterday?" I asked.

Kris shook his head. "The Council was told a couple things were coming today, but they said nothing about items for you."

I didn't think there was anything I should be getting. I'd talked to one of the lower rank army guys a couple days after I came back about having Punky sent, but he said the likelihood was pretty slim so I'd pretty much given up. I wasn't worried that Shannon would ignore him or anything, just afraid when I saw my cat again he'd be answering to Seymour.

Lyra and Kris followed me to the Gate because they were as curious as I was about what had been sent. When we reached the garden which housed the Gate, I did see there were three boxes standing far off to the side. The twins hung back while I went up to the men sorting the items.

"Okay, you guys said "Marco" so I say "Polo," I smiled.

The man I said that to laughed heartedly. "You must be Miss Keller. Yup, we've got a couple of boxes for ya over there," and pointed to the ones standing aside. "Need you to sign for them as proof of delivery. Apparently the lady who sent these was pretty adamant about making sure they got here." I motioned for Kris and Lyra to check the boxes while I signed the paper I was handed.

I thanked the man and walked over to my boxes. Lyra was eying the top most container, clearly revolted. "Jennifer! Someone sent you a dead animal!" Kris yelled.

"Excuse me?" I quickened my pace. As I got closer I saw the top box wasn't a box per se, but an animal carrying case. My heart swelled. _Shannon, I owe you _big! Sure enough, inside was the stretched out form of my kitten. "Punky!!!" I squealed with delight.  
I opened the door and gently extracted the cat. He was out cold. "He's not dead, just knocked out for the trip! See, he's breathing," I said as I placed Kris's hand on Punky's small chest to feel it rise and fall.

"Are you sure?" Lyra questioned. "It looks dead."

"Yeah, I'm sure. Can you guys help carry this stuff up to my room?" They agreed and we made our way to my suite. On the way up Punky had started to twitch a little, so as soon as we reached my rooms I plopped him down on the thick window cushion. Figuring it would take Punky a good while to wake fully, I found a small knife and cut the thick tape on the boxes to find what was inside.

The first one I opened, the heavier of the two, held all of Punky's things: dishes, toys, food, a small litter box and jug of litter, treats, harness and leash to go outside, and a blanket from my bed that he always liked to lay on. From the looks of things, Shannon had made sure I had enough supplies for Punky for about two months.

The second box, lighter in weight but larger in size, was a typical care package. It held cookies and candy, my favorite peanut butter, three of my favorite books I hadn't grabbed, some magazines, some random decorative items from my room, and about ten disposable cameras. And laying on top of it all, was a pretty thick envelope that had "READ ME FIRST DUMMY" written across the front.

While Kris and Lyra started exclaiming over the contents of the boxes, I took the letter and sat next to Punky. The letter pretty much caught me up on all the things going on at home, what she'd been doing, and how much she both missed me and fervently hoped I was getting better. That was when I realized how much I'd been missing her too. Everyday I'd been thinking there were certain things I'd love for her to see and experience, and it made me sad that she wasn't there. But Shannon was thinking along the same lines, as she explained the cameras:

_Okay, since I've been told only your cat is allowed to visit you right now and  
he lacks hands, your going to have to do something for me. See the cameras?  
Use them. I want pictures of people, things, places, everything. And I want you  
to keep track of what you're taking pictures of too, so I know what I'm looking  
at when I get them developed. The cameras are numbered so all you have to  
do is give me a description of who or what you've snapped. Hopefully I'll be able  
to come visit you soon, or better yet you'll come home, so until then this is the  
best way for me to see where you are. And no one word descriptions, either! If  
you have to, make someone else write them._

I had to laugh. I've never been that into pictures but Shannon loved them. Nearly anywhere she went she'd carry a camera and she had the photo albums to prove it. But then she'd always been the artsy type, whereas I didn't really give a shit. In this case, however, I had to agree with her that the cameras were an excellent idea. Yet before I could do more than that, I heard Punky give a weak mew. He was trying to open his eyes and raise his head, but he was still pretty heavily under the effects of the tranquilizer and wasn't getting very far.

I picked him up and held him, slowly petting him and scratching his head. Again Punky opened his eyes, and started to purr when he saw me, giving my hand a light lick. Kris came over to see the sleepy guy while Lyra was engrossed in one of the _People_ magazines from the box.

"He's adorable," Kris said softly and started to stroke the cat too. That only caused Punky to purr a little louder. "And likes attention!"

"He loves people, but is a right little hellion," I said with a smile as Punky blinked lazily. "And you're gonna have a butt-load more ways to get into trouble here too, aren't ya, ya little punk-ass cat?" He just purred.

Shayna then asked if she could see him, and I allowed her to peer through my eyes and get a good look. _:He is cute! But I don't think Punky is a good name for him. It doesn't seem to fit.:_

_:What do you think he should be named?: _I asked, rather worried.

_:I don't know, but Punky doesn't seem right to me.:_

_:Just don't call him Seymour, that's all I ask.:_

_:Seymour? No, that strikes me as a name for a rat. Though I don't know why you would name one. I'm not sure what I would name your cat, but it wouldn't be Punky.:_

I laughed and handed Punky to Kris so I could at least get the litter box set up for him. The events of that morning seemed insignificant now I had my cat. It may have been a semi-crappy morning, but it was water under the bridge.


	8. Day of Remembrance

_**Disclaimer: **_I own no rights to any of the characters that Mercedes Lackey thought up. But as she's more or less being gracious enough to let her readers borrow them, I thought I'd take advantage of that. Anyone you haven't heard of before, I thought them up.

**A/N:** Hey, guess what everybody? I didn't drop off the face of the planet!!! I'm really sorry it's taken me so long to get this posted, but I've been working a lot and gone through many, many drafts of this chapter. I don't know why, but it was difficult to write. So, as usual, keep an eye out for any bugs (spelling errors the spellcheck missed, other stuff that doesn't make sense) you may find and enjoy! _  
_

_Ch. 8: Day of Remembrance_

"Jennifer!" The urgent cry came from the stairs a few minutes later, followed quickly by Tashir throwing open the door to my suite. Tashir looked harried, as if he expected to see me in some sort of distress. On the contrary, though. No one in the room had moved. I was still kneeling by the litter box I'd placed a corner, Kris still held a purring Punky, and Lyra was still flipping through the magazine and letting out little sounds of exclamation and exasperation. Every now and then she'd turn to me, read a sentence or paragraph out loud and ask if we seriously wondered about the minuscule details of celebrity lives, and looked back in horror as I confirmed it. "It sounds worse than Court," I swore I heard her whisper to herself at one point.

"Yeah?" I looked up and asked.

Tashir rushed over and hauled me to my feet. He then noticed the Prince and Princess and acknowledged them. "Kris. Lady Lyra, always a pleasure to see you. Have the two of you been with Jennifer long?"

Kris answered, sounding as confused as I certainly felt. "Yes, we've been with her for about two candlemarks. Is there something wrong?"

"Has she been acting strangely? Anything off-putting?" the Bard asked while looking me over intently, as if trying to find something wrong.

Kris shook his head. "No more than usual."

"Thanks," I said coolly to my friend. "Sweetie, what's wrong? What are you doing? _WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"_

Now, I was used to having him damn near rip my clothes off from time to time, as I'd certainly done my fair share to him. Yet never had those times been in the presence of other people. Especially the crown Prince and his sister. But Tashir had just done the unexpected. In one swift motion, he had removed my overtunic (I didn't want to think about how often he'd preformed similar actions and on who), spun me around so my back was facing him, and preceded to try and remove my undershirt. He'd lifted it about half way before I was able to spin myself out of his reach.

I stood facing him, stark still, mouth gaping, and tried to think of a decent reason as to why Tashir would do such a thing. If he wanted to get busy all he had to do was ask the twins to leave for a few minutes. The look on his face, however, showed no amorous intent. Instead it was worry mixed with some hesitation; a look that I would sometimes see when I'd catch him looking at me. I knew Tashir was taking his chosen role of protector rather seriously, but I didn't understand how stripping me in front of my friends could accomplish anything.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Kris and Lyra. They looked confused and embarrassed at the situation. Not that I could blame them. Lyra had raised the magazine to just below her eyes, as if she had been hiding behind it moments before but now wanted to see what was going on. Kris was still sitting and holding Punky in his lap. His head was turned to peer out the window and turning a brilliant shade of red that most likely reached his toes. Kris squirmed uncomfortably.

_"What the fuck?!"_ My voice was about three octaves too high.

Tashir stiffened his shoulders. "I wanted to see your tattoo."

"My tattoo."

"Yes."

"You have a tattoo?" Kris and Lyra asked in unison.

I thought for a couple seconds and tried to think of why he'd want to see it, but came up short. "Why?" I wasn't mad or anything, just thoroughly confused.

Tashir took a deep breath. "Because I wanted to make sure it was you. I heard about your conversation with Alastor just now. Since the Jennifer I know would have given him quite the verbal lashing, and from what I understand that did not occur, I needed to know it was you and not an impostor."

I let Tashir's words sink in, then closed my eyes and whimpered. It was the third time in roughly an hour I'd been accused of acting out of character. Hearing the accusation from Kris and Lyra was one thing because friends do that to each other. But to hear it from Tashir just rubbed salt in the wound. _I have _got_ to work on my reputation because right now it isn't doing me any good._

"Is it so hard for people to believe I can conduct myself in a calm and rational manner?" I said more to myself than anyone in the room. "I mean, seriously. Yes, I haven't made some rather important people very happy with me from time to time, but have I ever really, truly, pissed them off to the point where they take a matter to your guys' mum?" I asked the twins. "Have I ever done or said anything to deliberately cause trouble? No! What rubs people the wrong way about me is my personality and that I call things as I see them. Yes, I have a temper and a tendency to flout authority, and when coupled with my Gifts it doesn't exactly make for a good time. But is it really that surprising when I don't bitch somebody out?!"

The following silence was answer enough. Kris and Lyra exchanged glances and Tashir looked a little sheepish. I shook my head in disbelief. "Jesus Tap-dancing Christ, Batman. Okay, you wanna see? Here," and I lifted the back of my shirt to reveal the scars and artwork. Lyra gasped sharply and Kris gave an exclamation of surprise. A moment later a gentle caress of my skin told me Tashir was truly making sure it was the real thing. "Happy now?" I asked over my shoulder.

"Lyra, I believe we've outstayed our welcome," Kris said, finally breaking the silence. His sister readily agreed and they soon left, along with a couple more magazines in Lyra's possession. That left Tashir and I alone with Punky, who was still half out of it on the window seat cushion.

I sat down heavily next to my cat. I didn't know what to say and so stayed silent. Tashir walked over and sat next to me, draping an arm around my shoulders to pull me close and kissed the top of my head. "I'm sorry if I upset you, but I wanted to make sure you were alright."

"I'm not mad," I sighed, " I just... I always thought actions spoke louder than words. And I've just been slapped in the face with confirmation that's not the case with me. Twice. Am I really that bad?" I looked at him and asked solemnly.

Tashir chuckled quietly. "There is still room for improvement, but you're not as bad as you used to be. _I _ know." I laughed in agreement. Of all the people who had been on the receiving end of my verbal tirades, Tashir had gotten the brunt of it. Not to say he didn't deserve it at the time and still did occasionally, but I was hardly biting his head off anymore.

"So have I passed inspection? Do you think I'm the real deal?" I asked, still feeling rather dejected.

Tashir studied me for some time before responding. "To all outward appearance you seem genuine, but a good impostor would know of any defining marks or characteristics. Even the concealed ones." He was quiet again for a bit while he thought. "I believe that leaves me with only one course of action to determine your identity."

I didn't see it coming, which of course was Tashir's intention. About as quick as I could blink, his lips captured mine as he preceded to kiss me with a hunger his mannerisms had neglected to portray. I made a startled noise in the back of my throat, but that was quickly replaced with a soft moan as I kissed him back with matching heat. I knew the game as it was one of his favorites. Catch me off guard and leave me panting like a bitch in heat, which is exactly what I turned into every time he kissed me. But (I hoped) what he was going for was someone else would back away or freeze up in surprise. Just as suddenly as it happened, Tashir pulled away and grinned from ear to ear, watching as I tried to regain my breath.

"There's no doubt. No one else kisses like that," he said fondly as he lightly stoked my cheek.

I grinned back. "Was there really any need to worry?"

"No," he said, "because I have complete trust in Shayna to know if someone was impersonating you. But I had to be sure." Tashir then looked to my left and saw Punky splayed out like road-kill. He looked at Punky, then me, and shifted his gaze to the cat again. "I have just noticed you've acquired a cat."

I nodded. "Punky. Shannon was finally able to send him."

"Ah, the other man."

I rolled my eyes and snorted. "Yes, I've been cheating on you with a now three month old kitten. You should feel so abused."

"Well, I shall have to question him as to the extent of your relationship later, as I have a class soon," he said, standing. Normally when a Bard made Court, they stopped teaching or whatever else they did as it took up time that would normally be spent entertaining Courtiers or other aristocrats. Not Tashir. He loved teaching and was considered to be one of the better teachers Bardic had. So he did less private entertaining in order to make time for a couple classes.

"I'll warn you now, you're only gonna get one word answers," I told him and gave him a light parting kiss.

"Then they will be open to interpretation," Tashir replied suavely as he bowed himself out the door.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Time's a funny thing. It can feel like it's speeding up or slowing down or meander along at its own pace. It can be calming, nerve-racking, or fill you with anticipation or dread. Sometimes it's good, other times it can really suck donkey balls.

It had been the middle of July when I came back to Valdemar and the two months had seemingly flown by. From sun up to sun down I'd been kept busy with one thing or another so it came as a shock to realize it was now September. A normal month for most people, but I wasn't most people. Since my surprise arrival, September had been the worst for me, specifically the 22nd, because it signaled the day my life was irreparably altered.

It used to be that during the preceding weeks I'd be incredibly moody and on the 22nd I'd throw myself a pity party. Even after I was Chosen it was the one day I really allowed myself to wallow in misery and wonder why me. Even more so after I found out the real reason I was brought to Valdemar in the first place. The pain never went away or really dulled. I just had gotten really good at ignoring it.

But as the infamous day slowly crept up on me, I began to wonder how I should feel anymore. As I'd told my friends at the picnic before I'd gone home three years before, I was happy with my life as a Herald and really couldn't picture living any other way. But there was still the silent and stinging feeling of resentment. The world of Velgarth had ruined everything, yet given me everything in return. It was Velgarth's and Valdemar's fault I had so many problems, ranging from still being on the outs with my family and old friends, to the emotional and psychological trauma I'd encountered, and why I didn't feel like I fit in anywhere anymore.

But I couldn't ignore the good either. I'd been taken in and cared for without a sideways glance by those who truly mattered and was kept from going crazy (though still debatable). I had friends who's stood by me through thick and thin, a man who loved be despite all my personality hiccups, and a job and partner that gave me a purpose in life unrivaled by anything. Because of Valdemar's help and teachings, I'd become more than I ever dreamed. Yet at what cost? I still find it funny that price makes the world turn. Just not always a monetary one.

But I wasn't the only person worried about the month and passing of days. In fact, my personal conundrum paled in comparison to the worry and anticipation of Nia and Trine. Nia was due around the middle of the month, which was sending her husband into a frenzy. Trine was extremely excited about his first-born, but at the same time was scared shitless. He could often be found making his way to the House of Healing to make sure Nia was okay. He was starting to hover, which in turn pissed off Nia's hormones. As common as it was to see Trine heading to the Healers', it was just as common to see him fleeing from the building with Nia yelling, "I'm fine!! Leave me alone!!" I was privy to this one day and thought it was funny as hell. Both Nia and Trine failed to see the humor.

As the due date got closer I tired to focus more on the two of them instead of myself. Two of my closest friends were about to become parents, and I thought that was much more important. Not to mention exciting.

It was early evening when Nia went into labor. I'd spent most of the week in the city courts listening to the trials going on and explaining the reasoning behind the verdicts to Herald Zane, who'd accompanied me. The point of this was as a finer review of the laws. Zane was a rather frail looking old man who, while retired, still taught a majority of the law classes and made regular trips to the city courts to keep himself sharp. If you wanted an expert in law, he was your man.

I was mentally exhausted when Zane and I came back because of all the paces he'd put me through on the way back, making sure I understood all the ins and outs of the many cases we'd listened to that day. So when Shay finally relayed the message that Nia was going into labor, it took me a minute for the info to sink in before I rushed off to the Healers. It apparently wasn't usually customary for friends to be present at a birth from what I'd been told. It was customary, however, in the town that Nia and Trine were from. To them, friends were the same as family, and in a fishing village, sometimes friends had to take the place of family in the end.

I was the second person to arrive, Kris being the first as he'd helped get Trine down to the healers while Nia was carried in. We were sitting outside in the hallway, waiting, and watching to make sure Trine didn't fall off the bench he was laying down on. "She started bleeding almost as soon as the labor pains started," Kris told me, " and they couldn't take any chances. Trine started to panic, not that I can blame him. We got down here and he started demanding to see Nia but of course he couldn't. In the end one of the Healers gave him something to drink to calm him, but instead it knocked him out." Kris pointed to our friend, who was clearly unconscious and drooling ever so slightly.

"So what do they do in this case?" I asked worriedly.

"I have no idea," Kris answered.

"Well, if I sit around here I'm gonna go stir-crazy, so I'm gonna take a walk. Let me know if something changes, okay?" He agreed and I left, trying my best not to run. One of my closest friends could very possibly be dying and that scared the crap outta me. And would the baby even survive? _Man, if something happened to them Trine would be crushed,_ I thought. _The Healers don't really trust the American medic we've got over here now so they won't let him help, and that's _if_ he could do anything. Why do there have to be complications? Why? Especially complications involving blood._

I'd exited the building and reached one of the small gardens that patients were encouraged to walk in when they had the strength. One I'd made the trek through too many times for my taste. It was close enough to the building that help could come if needed, but far enough away for patients to test themselves physically. It made a decent hiding spot.

I came to one of the small fountains, trickling musically with water, and sat down on the rim. I sat and watched the sun dip slowly behind the tree line, staining the sky with light blue and pink. I didn't want to hear any news, but each moment I sat there with Kris not calling for me was agonizing. Yet it was out of my hands. I'd never felt so helpless. _I'm a Herald-Mage of awesome power, but in this case I'm absolutely worthless. My I'm supposed to help save people, not sit and wait for them to die._

An ear-splitting bird cry came from directly behind me. If I hadn't been so preoccupied with morbid thoughts, I would've probably heard someone sneaking up behind me. But since I didn't hear anyone, I screamed, jumped about three feet and landed in the fountain. Thankfully it was a shallow one, but I was now tired, worried, and had a wet and sore butt. I looked up and glared at the perpetrator.

"Jervan, you asshole!!!" I bellowed at the gryphon, while, as usual, ignoring the mental cry of "Giant Bird!". He'd finished acting as messenger to White Gryphon and the Haighlei and had arrived back in Haven a couple days before. Unfortunately his sister, Lytha, was still stuck out west.

The male gryphon laughed. "You did not sssee me? You prrresssented sssuch a tempting tarrrget that I could not rrresssisst. Arrre you hurrrt?" he trilled with amusement.

"Only my pride, you chicken on growth hormones," I grumbled as I heaved my ass out of the water. "Have you heard?"

"Yesss. How long ago wasss ssshe brrrought herrre?"

"About...an hour ago I think. I'm not really sure. I wish there was more I could do than just sit around and wait, ya know?"

Jervan sighed. "Yet that isss all we can do at thisss time. Trrrine will let usss know ssshould sssomething change."

I laughed weakly as I remembered Trine's current state. "He's unconscious, actually. He was so worked up when Nia was brought down, the Healer gave him something that knocked him clean out. But Kris is with him and he'll let us know."

"Why am I not sssurrrprrrisssed Trrrine isss unconsssciousss?" the gryphon mussed aloud. "Come, let usss ssspeak of otherrr thingsss. You neverrr finissshed telling me how you came back."

It wasn't long after that Kris called me back, saying one of the Healers that had been with Nia had news. Good news. Nia was going to be touch and go for a few days, but they were able to stop the bleeding and she should be just fine. The had to cut the baby out, or delivery by C-section as I preferred to look at it, but she would be fine as well. It was a little girl. Trine was conscious by then, but damn near passed out again with relief when he heard the news. He went in to the room Nia was in to meet his new daughter, and when he came back out with her in his arms, I'd never seen a happier man.

"I think I know what her name is going to be," Trine said softly as he allowed Tashir, who'd arrived just as the Healer gave us the news, to peer at her. "Essa. She doesn't look like an Anni or Nikole, but she looks like an Essa. Of course, that's if Nia agrees," he added quickly.

"I like it. It's a beautiful name," Tashir said smiling.

"Essa," I repeated to myself. "Yeah, I like that too. It's a pretty cool name, actually."

"That's not a name I've heard before. Where did you get it?" Kris asked.

"Nia and I used to play with a girl named Essella when we were littles," Trine said as he lightly touched a tuft of strawberry blond hair. "The girl herself was alright, but I thought her name was horrible so I called her Essa."

Trine then brought Essa to the nearest door for Jervan, Shay, Jaysdin, and Aryon to see her, then we visitors were sent packing for the night. As Kris, Jervan, Tashir and I walked back up to the Palace with the Companions at our heels, Jervan posed an interesting question.

"Ssso, when can we expect little babiesss frrrom you two?" he asked Tashir and I.

"Babies? From us?" Tashir asked, sounding rather dumbfounded.

Kris was nodding his head. "Yes, from you two. I'm sure you've had enough practice."

I raised a wary eyebrow. "Do I seem like the motherly type to you two? I've never really been sure if I wanted kids and besides, right now is not the time for me to be getting pregnant."

"I know I am not ready for children yet," Tashir replied. Was it my imagination, or did he sound a little...disappointed?

_:I have to agree with you, Chosen. You are in no position to think about having children. And I don't think anyone here is ready to hear a small child use your rather colorful vocabulary.:_ I opened my mouth to shoot something back at Shay, but closed it when I realized how true it would probably be.

"What did Shayna say?" Kris asked, taking note of my reaction.

"She doesn't think Valdemar's ready for kids from me yet. They'd probably be born swearing and insulting people. And the scary thing is she's got a point."

It wasn't until I crawled into bed that night with Tashir in his new digs as Court Bard, that it occurred to me what the date was. By my calendar, it was September 22nd, marking ten years since I'd first come to Valdemar. But instead of laying there, with Punky behind my knees and an arm around Tashir, feeling sorry for myself, I felt happy; content. That's when I made a big decision. September 22nd would no longer be a day of mixed sorrow and anger for me. Instead, it would be a day of celebration for little Essa, and there's no room for unhappiness on birthdays.


	9. A Plan of Action

_Disclaimer:_ All standard rules and regulations apply. I only own the original characters and nothing else. If you can't figure out who or what's original and what's property of Mercedes Lackey, then that's your problem.

A/N: Hey, guess what? A new chapter!! Yea!!! I'm really sorry I haven't had a change to update until now and kept people wondering what would come next. My goal is to really get things going again here so hopefully it won't be months until the next update. If I keep going at the rate I have, this story won't be done for 5 years. Scary thought. So, once again I shall leave you to the misadventures of Jennifer. Enjoy!

_Ch. 9: A Plan of Action_

"Jennifer, may I have a word?"

_God damn it! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it,_ I thought to myself.

I hitched what I hoped was a look of polite interest onto my face and turned to General Ekholm. Once again, Tashir had dragged me to Courtand, once again, I was cornered by a man I wasn't sure I trusted. Not to mention the fact I didn't much like the guy either. And the best part, Ekholm only ever shanghaied me at Court because he knew I couldn't manage an excuse to escape. Rock, me, hard place.

"Sure," I answered politely and Ekholm turned to lead me out of the multicolored crowd of babbling voices. As soon as his back was turned, I scowled and flipped him the bird.

Ekholm led me to the periphery of the crowd and gave me the look that said he wasn't happy. "We have a couple of problems."

_One of which being you trying to weasel favors out of me you know I can't do, right?_ "Problems? Then why talk to me when I can't do squat? Besides, I've been under the impression things were going fine?"

"Not as well as the President would like. And he's beginning to believe you're part of the problem."

I blinked at the General for a couple seconds. "Okay, now I'm confused. I haven't done anything, so how can I be part of the problem?"

"My point exactly, Miss Keller."

"Care to be more specific?"

"It's quite simple, really," Ekholm said, still glowering at me. "Valdemar has sent three groups of volunteers over for testing in the three months since the treaty was signed. However, the scientists state-side have run into some anomalies in the information gathered. What, exactly, they haven't said. When I petitioned the Council to allow some of the volunteers to stay longer than the allotted three weeks for further testing, I was denied. Twice, to be exact."

I held up a hand to stop him. "Then it sounds like the American government just now realized they didn't leave themselves enough wiggle-room in the treaty. And if that's the case, I fail to see why this is my fault."

General Ekholm leaned forward and lowered his voice just enough to sound intimidating. "The President is beginning to feel, as am I, that your continued silence in supporting our presence here is influencing the Council's decision. The treaty was signed in August, it is now November, and you have not given any indication you believe in what we are trying to accomplish!"

I stood and stared, not sure I understood him correctly. And if I was, the idea of digging a hidey-hole under a very big rock was sounding like a really good idea.

"So you guys are pissed at me because I'm not voicing a favorable opinion of your little science experiment?" I asked in disbelief. I took the following silence as a yes. _Jesus Tap-dancing Christ, you've got to be kidding me!! I voice an opinion, and some of the higher ups in Valdemar hate me. I _don't_ say anything, and the American officials start breathing down my neck._

Feeling my temper rising and fighting the growing urge bite Ekholm's head off, I asked, "What part of my needing to stay neutral do you people not comprehend? Do I really have to explain this to you again?"

Ekholm shook his head. "No, but there are ways around it. One option of many is you could volunteer to come back for testing yourself," he said more kindly. "This brings me to our second problem, this one concerning you directly. We, the American government, have been asking for you since the very beginning, and until recently we've been taking Lady Elspeth's word that you needed to find you mental balance again in good faith. But again, it has been three months since you've started you re-training, with multiple teachers, and the President believes the time for stalling is over. He wants you home so the next phase of research can begin."

"The next phase?"

"The neurologists working with us, for one, would like to get scans of your brain to compare to those of the Heralds we've already tested and normal Americans. For instance, does your brain possess any abnormalities or do some areas work differently than normal due to your Gifts."

"Okay, fair enough," I said quickly, "but it almost sounds as if I'm being ordered to go in front of the Queen and Council and call Elspeth a liar. I was told a while back it most likely wouldn't be until at least Mid-Winter, Christmas, that Elspeth and Darkwind would feel comfortable cutting me loose. Yes, I have my other Gifts under control enough so I'm not a potential threat. My Mage-Gift, however, is different--"

"From what I understand it is no different from your other Gifts, and you've been spending much of your time relearning to rein it in," Ekholm interrupted.

My temper finally snapped at this rather ignorant demonstration of his knowledge of the Heraldic Gifts. "Well, you understand wrong so allow me to set the record straight," I hissed. "Just because I've been working the hardest at getting my Mage-Gift back under control does _not_ mean it's the same as my others. If I'm not careful, even now, without even thinking about it, I could accidentally blow this whole room t' bits with less energy then it takes you to breathe. Remember, I'm so powerful I took out a nearly 250,000 man strong army all by my lonesome. Vanyel Askevron is the only other Herald-Mage in Valdemar history to boast that kind of power, and he was probably stronger than me.

"To put it more in terms you'd understand, I'm more or less a walkin' bomb! Common sense, something I'm guessin' you lack, tells ya you don't leave an unstable bomb alone if you're unsure it's defused, and I'm not defused yet! Until Elspeth and Darkwind give me the green light, I ain't goin' nowhere, volunteered or not!"

"And you spend too much time hiding behind your uniform, Herald," Ekholm sneered, using Herald as an insult. "It appears to me all you're currently doing is taking up valuable time and resources by retraining your Gifts, and yet nothing else! What exactly do you do around here anyway? If the Queen will not give you other duties to attend to, then I see no reason why you cannot be spared for testing!" he finished.

I had no response to that because, to be honest, I hadn't thought about it. Yet the General had a valid point. Selenay had said at one point she fully intended on using me while I was back, and yet I hadn't been given anything to do, and that surprised me now that I'd been slapped in the face with it. Did she have plans for me that needed to be put on hold, or was I being unnecessarily babied?

"To be honest," I told the General, "I have no idea why I've been just sitting around. Queen Selenay doesn't explain herself to me and I don't ask because I know she has a good reason for whatever she does. So you can take that Presidential order, suggestion, or whatever the hell it is, and stick it right up your ass, then kiss mine!"

I turned and stalked away, relishing the look on Ekholm's face when I lost all patience. He looked pissed enough to start shooting something. Every now and again he'd try and push me towards saying or doing something that would apparently give him a little more clout with the Council; a kind word here, drop a hint of something similar America had done that turned out well there. And every time I'd hold my tongue in check and calmly tell him, again, that my hands were tied. Obviously the nice approach wasn't getting through, and what he'd just said to me was infuriating. I may be an American citizen, but that did not mean I was going to sacrifice my integrity as a Herald-Mage just for the sake of my homeland's government.

I stalked my way down the hall, every now and then pausing to either kick the wall or throw a quiet tantrum. Since I didn't think I could make it back to my suite without screaming, I opted to hole up in Tashir's rooms for a little while since they were closer. Five minutes later, I was pushing open the door to an opulently decorated main room. A grand marble fireplace held the focal point on the left wall. Mahogany furniture upholstered in a rich red was sprinkled here and there: a couch in front of the fireplace, a chair next to the large window which opened out into a garden, another chair tucked away in a corner and next to it was a rack of instruments and a stand for sheet music.

I closed the door and leaned against it for a second, then screamed as loudly as I could. It helped, but not as much as I'd have liked. _God, I wanna hit something right now!_

A brush at my ankles made me look down to find Punky rubbing against me and, as usual, purring loudly. I bent down to pick him up, still amazed at how fast he'd grown. For being only five months old, he was huge, appearing to be almost full grown and weighed close to ten pounds. And he wasn't fat either; if he were human, he'd look like a linebacker.

"Hey, you. Catnapped again, I see," I said smiling. At first Tashir wasn't sure how to take my having a pet. He'd never been around animals as a kid and so had no idea why I'd want to take care of one for personal enjoyment. But Punky had quickly worked his charms. Within a couple of days of his arrival, Tashir was spending much of his free time playing with my kitten. I thought it was cute as hell, and so didn't care that my guy was seemingly falling more in love with my cat than me. And they looked so adorable the couple times Tashir and Punky decided to take a nap together, and had the pictures to prove it. Well, Shannon had them as I'd sent most of the cameras back full of snapshots, but I was sure they were heart-melting.

I walked over to the couch and collapsed, still holding a madly purring cat. Ekholm sure had balls of steel if he was going to nearly order me to go home as a guinea pig without being properly in control of my most dangerous Gift. Was he mad or just woefully ignorant of the damage I could do? I hoped for ignorant because if he knew how strong I was and just didn't care, then holy shit.

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A few days later I received an official summons from Selenay, and I was both delighted and apprehensive. I sincerely hoped it was a job that needed to be done since Ekholm's words had stung pretty badly. If it was a job, it would be my first "official" test of how much farther I still had to go. But there was only one way to find out, so I found myself being shown to her private office just before she went to dinner with the Court.

Selenay entered after a couple minutes of waiting and exchanged the usual pleasantries before we got down to business. Selenay had just opened her mouth to start talking when I took the initiative and cut her off. I related my latest conversation with Ekholm to her then point-blankly asked, "So what gives? Ekholm's right, I haven't been doing anything else besides retraining and sitting on my bum doing nothing. Why haven't I been given anything else to do, like actually running one of the courts in Haven? Wouldn't that be better practice for me then just sitting there listening and answering Herald Zane's questions?"

The Queen nodded her head and took a couple moments to compose her answer. "Your responsibilities have been lax for a couple of reasons, and neither is fair. One reason is I have been very concerned about how you would deal with the stresses of being back and dealing with your native government as well. Forgive me for saying so, but you do not handle stress well and it can translate over into other situations." Unfortunately, all I could do was nod my head and grimace at the truth.

"The other reason, I am sorry to say, is the most problematic," Selenay continued. "To be quite frank, very few Heralds are willing to work with you and are being quite adamant about it."

I suspected the reason and instinct told me I wasn't going to like it, but the question had to be asked. "Why are they unwilling to work with me?" I asked and braced myself for the answer.

"The fear that you're an agent for an invading force is beginning to take hold again," Selenay said sadly. "I do not know how much Alastor has to do with this, but Jennifer, people are scared of you. You know they always have been, and now that your government has arrived the fear is increasing. Though you wear a Herald's uniform and have a Companion, too many Heralds are afraid you will turn your back on Valdemar when the time is ripe."

"Please tell me that's just here on palace grounds," I begged her.

"This sentiment is shared by all but a small few, mainly those who know you."

"Well, can't Rolan or Gwena have the Companions talk some sense into their Chosen? I mean, this is ridiculous." I said.

"Talia says Rolan has tried, yet many Companions feel the same as their Chosen," Selenay replied gravely. "And forcing the issue will do nothing but make things worse. However, I believe a solution has presented itself, which may soothe many of those ruffled feathers." Her words took on a lighter, almost playful tone, indicating that whatever this solution was, she thought it was damn good.

Selenay reached over and patted my hand, giving me a warm smile. "Jennifer, I'm sending you home."

I felt my jaw drop. "Huh?" Of all the things the Queen could've told me, _that_ was the last option I expected to hear.

Selenay's smile widened. "Kris suggested it at the council meeting this afternoon, so you can blame him. But I think it's wonderful. Normally before any alliance is made, a diplomatic delegation is sent ahead to survey the land. The Heralds that have been to America could be seen as part of that delegation in a way, but not in the full sense. And as Kris has been a close friend of yours for years, he's extremely curious about America as a whole. So he has decided he would like to visit as a diplomat, and has volunteered to be a test subject as well."

"He has?" Well this just kept getting better and better.

But Selenay wasn't done dishing out the surprises. "Now, what this has to do with you is very simple. Kris would like you to accompany him as an advisor . Not that he would not trust an American escort supplied by the government, but because you would have a different perspective as a Herald. Since you are familiar with Valdemaran and American law and policies, Kris feels you would be able to help him make more educated decisions regarding future decisions. As an American, you have a great love of your homeland and take pride in what she stands for. Yet as a Herald, you must uphold Valdemar's best interests."

I had to admit it sounded like a good plan. While I thought Kris was showing maybe a little too much confidence in me, it seemed to make sense. I would naturally try to show America to Kris in the best light possible because it was no secret I've always been proud of where I came from. Then the Heraldic training I'd received would allow me to look at American politics in a way that, would hopefully, best benefit both sides. I wouldn't be shy about pointing out the bad things, but would try to highlight and emphasize the good. But there was one obvious flaw to me.

After picking my words carefully, I voiced my concern "I thought I was supposed to stay out of this whole diplomatic tug-of-war. Kris's idea sounds good and everything, but it seems like I'm gonna be right in the middle, a place I thought we were trying to keep me _out_of. This doesn't exactly sound like I'm a neutral party."

Selenay smiled again slyly. "You are, but then you are not. Because you hold such an unusual position, both General Ekholm and the council feel you will try to balance the two sides. You cannot be too lenient with one side without angering the other, and you know there could be severe consequences from either party if that happens."

I recoiled and started panicking a little. "Are you threatening me?"

"I was thinking more of what Shayna would do to you if you didn't try to play fair," Selenay replied with a laugh.

"Oh. Good point. So are there no other concerns being raised?" I asked, concerned. "I mean, no one on the council thinks Kris is stupid. Quite the opposite, in fact. But I'm sure some of them must think this idea is…well...kinda stupid."

Selenay shook her head. "The council does view the condition of you going along as slightly foolish. But they recognize the need for a trip of this sort and agree you would be in a position to give Kris much needed insight. General Ekholm, as well, believes Kris's plan to be fair. His only addition was that you submit to tests as well."

"Well, it's fair, I guess," I agreed grudgingly. "So it's safe to assume Elspeth and Darkwind have given me the 'okay' too?"

"They're both wary, but believe you should be fine," the queen reassured me.

I sighed. _Either everyone around me places way too much stock in my abilities, or I have a lot less self-confidence than I thought. Guess we'll all find out together which side the coin shows._ "So who else is going and when do we ship out?"

"Not for a couple weeks," Selenay said. "Ekholm needs to contact the President and let him know a compromise regarding you has been reached, and then the Americans will get back to us with the details. As for who will accompany you and my son as part of the official delegation, no one. That may change in the next day or two, but Kris wishes to keep it to a maximum of four people." She then gave me an odd look. "He said he wanted to follow the American kiss rule."

"The wha…oh. K.I.S.S: Keep It Simple, Stupid." I laughed nervously. "He kinda got that from me."

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Later that evening I went down to the stables to spend some time with Shayna. If I was only going to be hanging around for another two weeks and be gone for who knew how long, I wanted to spend any and all spare time I had with her and friends. She wasn't in her stall, but luckily, I ran into Trine down there. He was checking over Aryon's tack, as the two of them were going back out on circuit in a couple days.

"I don't know about this, Jenn, I really don't," Trine reluctantly while oiling Aryon's halter in front of one of the large stoves to stay warm. A bitter November wind whistled outside, holding a promise of snow. "I personally don't understand why America is so obsessed with getting you back over there. You're a Herald. Your duty is to Valdemar, not them! You need to be here!"

"Selenay made a deal," I shrugged.

Trine scowled and began to work the leather more fiercely. "Well I think this 'deal' is complete bollucks. Why should we give America information on Gifts, while Valdemar gets nothing of real consequence in return? There's nothing they're giving us that is really useful. This electisity-generating water thing those fancy artificiers are trying to work out would be great, but the river is going to freeze over soon so what good will it do? Besides, they're complaining about the Terilee not being big or deep enough! As if it's _our fault_ their grand idea won't work!"

"That's why they're gonna fit solar panels on the roof near the water cisterns," I said softly.

He ran a nervous hand through his hair and groaned. "Gods, I don't mean to be mad. I just don't understand you people. Americans, I mean."

"And that's why Kris wants to go over. It's not just a diplomatic thing he's doing, it's kind of an anthropological field-study," I pointed out.

Trine stopped his oiling and looked at me quizzically. "A what?"

"Anthropology is basically the study of people and cultures around the world, and a field-study is when the anthropologist actually spends time with a certain culture and tries to figure out the structure and rules of that society," I explained. "So what Kris is wanting to do is paint a clearer picture of American culture and society for people like you, who don't get us or are scared."

Trine snorted. "From what I saw while I was over there waiting on you, Valdemarans have a reason to be scared."

"Hey, I told you a long time ago that the only Americans you need to be scared of are the ones in Congress, right?" I reminded him.

"Yes,_but_," he interjected, pointing a finger at me before I could get anything else out, "you also told me that the citizens of your country elect the members of Congress and the President. So, if what I know of your elected officials scares me, then shouldn't I be afraid of the people who elected them in the first place? And if the same people who elect most of your native government are responsible for the culture I saw, then I have every right to be scared," Trine finished with a superior smirk.

Trine unfortunately had a point, but I wasn't going to let him win this argument. "No, that just makes you paranoid. Besides, not all members of Congress or past Presidents have been so creepy. Many start out wanting to do great things, but because of the way the American political system works, some do become corrupt and thus really scary," I said.

My friend simply stared at me. "You're telling me, that your fellow countrymen knowingly elect people into a system of government that makes them corrupt and turns them into liars, and that I _shouldn't_ be scared?"

I didn't have anything to say to that.

"See, I'm right," Trine gloated.

Before I could respond, something blew in my ear. I didn't scream or squeak, but I think I jumped about five feet in the air and landed on the floor. Hard. I turned to my right and saw the white form of my 'horse'.

"_SHAYNA! The hell was that for?!"_ I screamed over Trine's peals of laughter.

_:Because it was funny. You know, one of these days you'll have to stop being such a wonderful target.:_ she replied, her mindvoice rich with humor.

I just glared at her and reclaimed the small stool I'd been sitting on. I'd been sitting so that I could look down the building at all the stalls. She obviously had come up from behind. I hadn't even heard her approach us.

:_So what debate was Trine winning?:_ Shay asked as she turned her backside toward the stove, deliberately sticking her butt in my face.

"Ya know, if I wanted to see a full moon, I could look outside. That one's prettier and doesn't smell like shit."

Shayna turned and gave me the evil eye. _:My backside does not smell.:_ she said loftily. _:I always wipe it in the grass when I'm done.: _It was very difficult to keep a straight face.

I looked again. "And there's enough grass in your tail to make a basket. Come on, let's get you combed out." I said goodbye to Trine and Shay and I made our way to her stall. On closer inspection, her tail really didn't have that much grass in it, but she's been doing something to get it all snarled. I'd just combed it out two days ago.

I grabbed the pick and started carefully untangling the knots. "So are these knots due to good hygiene or something else?"

_:Mostly wind, I believe. You're lucky. You don't have to go outside to take care of business.:_ Shay replied with a shiver.

"When I'm done, do you want me to braid it up? I think some ribbon is hiding somewhere," I asked.

Shayna thought for a couple seconds. _:There's a purple one in there, yes?:_

I put down the pick and began to rummage through Shay's beauty kit. Sometime after I"d been choosen, I'd come to realize my new talking horse was rather vain and loved to look pretty any chance she got. There was always a small pack filled with beauty items she'd picked out. Ribbons, hair jewels, some perfume, and scented soap. Shayna was more of a girl than me.

I found the desired color and went back to work on her tail. I was trying to decide how to tell Shay I'd be leaving again when she beat me to it. _:Do you know when you're leaving yet?:_

My head shot up in surprise. "Uh…no, not yet. Selenay said that we needed to hear back from Washington about some details first."

_:Is there any way I could come?:_ she asked mournfully and peered back at me.

Again, I stopped combing and went to cradle her head, resting mine on hers. The flood of emotion that hit me was a little shocking. Shayna was really scared that I may not come back this time.

"I don't know, sweetie," I said softly, stroking her cheek. "This is Kris's idea and have no idea what he wants to do over there. I'd love it if there was any way you could.."

_:I just got you back and now you're leaving again. It's not fair.:_ she said sadly.

I kissed her forehead. "I know. Four months isn't nearly long enough." Suddenly, I had an idea. "How 'bout this? Since I don't know what Kris has in mind for this trip, I'll hunt him down either tonight or tomorrow and we'll try to hash out some sort of itinerary. Based on that, I'll see if I can't bully some Washington goons into bringing you and Jaysdon over later. Sound okay?"

Shayna was silent for a while. _:Are you sure they'll approve?:_

I smiled. "If Washington is so hell-bent on having me work for them at least part-time, then they're gonna have to throw me a few bones. And _you_are gonna be the first one. I promise."

_:Alright, deal.:_ she said more brightly, but I could tell she had some doubt. Frankly, so did I.


End file.
